I just love this place, although I wondered if this affair of the heart would have staying power. The island bewitched me the first time I went and then played hard to get the second time when we stayed in the wrong resort during a two week freak monsoon and fog bank. After all it is hard to ‘have fun’ whilst suffering hypothermia and gazing at redundant swimming pool and sun loungers through condensationed windows.
The place can be as fickle as its signposts and even the locals seem uncertain as to whether it is spelt Cephalonia or Kefalonia. Our particular holiday started like so many others with a two hour drive from Wiltshire to Gatwick Airport. Again, like most holidays the flight departure time was so early that even our wake-up call sounded tired. It was made a little bearable in that we had booked the night before at the Hilton South Terminal Gatwick thus avoiding any risk of oversleeping (we thought).
The Hilton is like any other Airport hotel i.e. legions of travelling folk either in transit or plonked there by their airline for various reasons. On top of them you have over-nighters like us
The hotel reflects its clientele by trying to be the right thing for everyone and, in this case, failing for most. The airlines want to pay next to nothing so they try to serve cheap food at the highest price possible to other customers. The Carvery in the main restaurant displayed this by offering minimal starter (mainly salad) with cheap cuts of meat. I found at least one large rubbery artery hanging out of my cut of lamb .I picked it up by said blood vessel and dangled it before a shocked restaurant manager. It had to go back and, to be fair; they did not dare charge me.
The 'two hotel' bit comes with the rooms. You get the new bit and the old bit. New is mainly exec rooms and old is, well, old and quite horrid. They tend to put all the cheapy airline customers in the old part and the higher payers in the new unless (like most nights) they are full and you then take your chances. Also, if you are a smoker, you are doomed to the worst of the worst. Serves you right you may say but smoker’s money should be as good as anyone else. One day I will have to persuade my wife to stop otherwise we will continue to be shunned or carted off to the darkest recesses of hotel buildings!
The room we had was vile and overlooked the staff car park and an old prefabricated shed. We sought refuge in their ‘Executive Lounge’ but this was full of kids rolling on the floor. At one stage a ‘Buzz Lightyear’ model hurtled past my ear as one little boy was seeing if it could really fly. We could not handle this level of sophistication so off we went to the main bar. There things got a lot better. We started talking to three folk in wheelchairs. They were part of an organisation called BEWSA who are the British Ex-servicemen Wheelchair Sports Association. They were off to compete in an event in the USA and were wholly responsible for me getting drunk and nearly missing our flight. Fortunately I had checked our cases in with Thomson the night before and I would recommend this to anyone who is able to do it. That way it avoids the horrendous queue at check in and enables silly boys or girls like me to have one or two extra pints. It also means they do not weigh your hand baggage at check in.
Have you ever had one of those horrifying moments when you simultaneously wonder a) who you are b) where you are and c) why you feel like a beached whale with heartburn? That was me when the sleepy wake-up call invaded my consciousness and told me enough to realise I had set the time of it wrong. The rest was a blur with both of us running around our ‘palatial’ room like headless chickens. I flung the curtains opened only to terrorise a young lady staff member who was climbing out of her car just below me. Where are my pants I thought?
Have you ever tried to move quickly through an airport? Impossible. You see, normal folk turn into entranced zombies when they are on airport concourses. What is worse is that these stumbling zombies wield suitcases, water bottles, rucksacks and kids around them as the lurch and come to sudden stops for no reason whatsoever. We battered our way through the lot of them remembering the dire warnings given at check-in the night before about how they load and depart their planes sometimes ahead of schedule.
We finally got to the gate. What did we do there? We sat. And then we sat some more. Then we watched the rest of the plane’s passengers slowly amble to the departure area. 45 minutes later they boarded the flight. You see I should have known better. Airlines will always tell you to get to the gate long before you need to. They do it because they know you are going to be late and they don’t want to hang around. Trouble is it becomes rather like those motorway warning signs; one either take no notice or assume they are warning you too far in advance
Our Thomson flight to Argostoli in Cephalonia was pretty uneventful. It took little over three hours which was just about as long as I would be willing to put up with such little leg room. I had made a wrong assumption when booking our specific seats which was that as I had paid to book them I would receive them. This was wrong. If you pay to book specific seats then all you are getting guaranteed is seats next to each other. If you want the exit row then you have to pay more for these extra room seats! If you do as I did which was book the seats that I knew (in that particular aircraft type) were the emergency exit then they reserve the right to move you out of them nearer the flight time – unless you pay more.
Coming back I ended up paying twice to get the seats I had originally booked! We enjoyed our full size bottle of champagne and a fine selection of chocolates that I had pre-ordered on Thomson. The champagne brand would not make Moet et Chandon quake in their shoes but very adequate despite my hangover. We also bought snacks on the plane although the prices were through the roof. We initially laughed when an elderly couple next to us got out their picnic of potted meat sandwiches, pork pie and a thermos of tea but the last laugh was on me...and my wallet when I paid silly money for a bacon baguette.
So we arrived, on time, at Argostoli and not too much the worse for wear. It was hot and sunny and we entered the building in high spirits. It is not the largest of airports but the air conditioning worked well and there were a few places to sit whilst waiting for one’s bags. It was then that I started wondering about the night before bag check in service and whether they had remembered to load our cases the next day.
We waited and waited. Finally the first of our bags spewed onto the carousel. I immediately spotted it was mine not Judith’s which was not good news. Greek baggage handlers must be the slowest in the World and I warn you that you will need to be patient. Time ticked by and no bags were forthcoming. Finally, right at the very end, the last bag popped out and thankfully it was ours. Praise be! Nothing worse than being cloth less in a foreign country, especially as it would have been “all my fault”.
The rest of the formalities on arrival at this airport are minimal and we were soon out the other end without ever knowing if we had been through customs. We decided to pick up a car at the airport and we used a company called CBR which has their office less than 5 minutes stroll from the terminal entrance. I simply wheeled our bags up there and the car was waiting. You can get all types of hire car but I recommend you pick one with a slightly bigger engine due to the steep and winding terrain you may end up driving through.
The island is split up into two tourist parts. The southern coastal strip, which is more open, sandy and populated, and the north which is mountainous, very much quieter and more scenic. The main southern resorts are Scala, Lourdas and Lassi while in the north you have villages and ports like Fiscardo, Assos and Agia Efimia. In the not too distant past there was a significant earthquake on the island which affected the landscape in the south whilst leaving the north almost untouched.
The island is a very relaxing place and the overwhelming number of local people are kind and helpful. If you do pick up a car at the airport you must make sure you have good directions to your destination as the road signs are pretty useless. The airport itself is well signposted but if you are going to say Fiscardo like we were than forget it without a concise guide. You have to skirt around the main town of Argostoni and that is much easier said than done.
Also be aware that if you are on a roundabout you have to give way to any car joining it! The drive from the airport to the villa we were staying at not far from Fiscardo takes about an hour. Once beyond the main town you literally follow the coast northwards on a good quality very winding road built into the cliff face. Overtaking is neither recommended or that possible and coming face to face with a lorry full of locals speeding the other way is always good fun for thrill seekers!
If you have a manual geared car you will have well exercised wrists by the time you get where you are going. Finally watch out for goats as they think they own the road and can stroll in front of you at any time. I was moaning further back about the early flight but its advantage is that flying at 6.30 a.m. means you get out of your car at the villa around 2 p.m. local time which is perfect for gaining access after the maids have cleared up from previous guests. Also, when going home, you can leave the villa around 10 a.m. and have loads of time to get to the airport. Still a blooming awful peak time to fly out from Gatwick, especially if you are checking in bags on the day.
So we arrived at our villa and it was beautiful in every way. Breath-taking views over forests and cliffs, clean sparkling pool with plenty of sun loungers, everything you could want…if you could get in that is. The key was in the door but the door would not open. We were literally stuck outside peering through the windows at what seemed a perfectly renovated cottage. It was called ‘Vigli Retreat’ and unsurprisingly located in the village of Vigli which is perched above the Ionian Sea.
The villas are high enough to catch any breeze but close enough for the short trip to various beaches nearby. We rented it via a company called Unique Villas and were very pleased with our choice of company and location. It would have been even better if we could have got through the front door but eventually I was able to open the rear entrance.
Apart from being well equipped and in a very pretty scenic spot the villa and its location had other virtues. There is a good grocery shop in nearby Maganos and less than ten minutes from there is the beautiful fishing village of Fiscardo which has at least three bigger food stores. On the way to Fiscardo there are at least two excellent restaurants and our favourite was The Stone House who do great spit roasts twice a week on Fridays and Sundays. I will tell you more about Fiscardo later.
Probably like most people the first thing we did was thoroughly inspect the villa and what it contained. Unique Villas provide a small supply of essentials but frankly not enough to see you through a continental breakfast. A complementary bottle of wine was a nice touch but no substitute for bread and butter. I was disappointed that there were a shortage/lack of essentials like kitchen roll, toilet paper, oil and the sort of things that others, like us, leave behind them but Unique Holidays say they are restricted in what they leave by food and hygiene rules. I am not convinced!
The rest of the villa appeared in excellent working order. The air conditioning was extremely effective in both the open plan lounge/kitchen and bedrooms. There was plenty of hot water to go round and the windows opened up to a very pretty well tended exterior.
Like many Mediterranean bedrooms the beds consisted of normal mattresses laid directly on top of boards and took a bit of getting used to. Never mind we thought, we could recover during the day on those brand new sun loungers we saw on the way in. The next day proved a little more taxing. After a night on the hard beds we headed for the sun loungers only to find that they were made of hard plastic and had no mattresses. In fact the only covers of any sort were four small wafer thin seat covers for alfresco dining. It seems strange that someone who has clearly spent so much money on furnishing a villa should skimp on such comfort essentials. We can soon sort this out, I thought.
I decided to wait until the following day (Monday) to call the area rep as I did not want to disturb his weekend. It was then that we discovered Panos. Or ‘Panos the Terrible’ as I nicknamed him afterwards!
The villa has no phone, no Wi-Fi and practically no mobile phone signal so I took the opportunity of ringing on my mobile whilst shopping in Fiscardo where the signal is strong. Also you can pick up free Wi-Fi there. I got through to a very grumpy Panos on the third attempt. It sounded as though he was riding his motorbike at the time judging by the noise and the regular cutting off which he clearly seemed to blame me for.
I tried to tell him about the door and mattresses until he grunted and seemed to hang up. Welcome to Cephalonia I thought. When I got back to the villa I noticed a motorbike that looked half abandoned in the driveway and there was Panos stomping around the corner in all his glory and he did not look happy. He did not seem to grasp the fact that I was not there waiting for him and his mood seemed to deteriorate as I tried to explain about the door and sun beds and the lack of phone signal.. The door issue was quickly solved. You see what I had missed was that because such doors have airtight seals you have to yank them towards you before pushing them forward. This he demonstrated with such gusto that strips of the sealant fell off it. Silly me!
The mattress problem was a bit harder (excuse the pun). We were told in a voice usually reserved for children’s television announcers that the covers for the chairs were also for the sun beds. He then placed the tiny thin cover on one of the beds just to be sure our tiny brains had absorbed this obvious solution. It was like covering an elephant with a teacloth but by this time I just wanted him out of there.
Finally, and with a theatrical shrug of his shoulders he disappeared under the swimming pool and emerged with one of the old sun beds. This was canvas and a little better, but not much.
Anyway, he then headed for the gate and I asked if he had a second one. “You want another” he asked incredulously? “No” I said wearily, that will do. The rest of the holiday we part solved the problem by taking all the blankets out of the villa and putting them under our towels. Goodbye Panos! Would we go back to this villa? Yes, like a shot.
It was beautiful, well equipped, remote but easily accessible. We would insist on the addition of sun bed mattresses and definitely a ban on Panos calling but otherwise it is a brilliant. Late June is a good time to go as well. We had two weeks of warm sunshine and moonlight nights and the pool had time to get nice and warm. We only had one more panic which was when ‘Bongo Bob’ (another nickname) arrived at the villa next door. This villa is usually unobtrusive and silent as it is not rented to foreigners but, for a few days ‘Bob’ arrived with what was possibly the only drum kit in northern Cephalonia.
There we were, drink wine in the pool, basking in those ‘post Panos’ days when the drum roll started followed by cymbals and a backing track. What the hell was that we thought? Fortunately the others in his appreciated his drums as much as we did so we heard them only a few times after if they went out and left him behind. Anyway, back to the Island itself. It really is a special place with fantastic views and very nice people.
Some have worried about going because of possible economic unrest but the Greek Islands might as well be a million miles from Athens where there might be any trouble. They are totally dependent on tourism and do not want to spoil the businesses they have created.
There is a bit more poverty and food does cost a bit more than previous years but not much. You can still change money easily and there is more in the shops (apart from Sun bed mattresses) than in the past. As I said earlier the island really split into two markets.
The south is for bigger beach resorts with plenty going on and the north is all mountains, coves and fishing villages. If you like nightspots the north is probably not for you but if you want coves, sleepy villages, good food and pretty tavernas it is spot on. Some of the places like Myrtos Beach and Assos village are almost breath-taking in their beauty. Fiscardo is a wonderful place which still has its own small fishing fleet which you can lazily watch as you enjoy a drink and meal on the quayside.
It is a wonderful place for people watching too which seems to be the local pastime. I recommend that if you want to watch the world go by then sit at Theodora’s Café/Bar either by the water or on her balcony. You will get great people and a perfect view of all the yachts, boats and people as they pass by. The food here is good but there are loads of other places all around.
You owe it to yourself to go to Cephalonia at least once in your life. It is a wonderful place with kind and warm hearted people. We will certainly be going again.
Minggu, 29 Juli 2012
Rabu, 15 Februari 2012
A Travel Policy’s Biggest Barrier
What is the biggest issue that stands between a policy and its successful delivery? Is it a lack of knowledge or ability in order to create one? Is it uncooperative or unable suppliers or intermediaries? Is it poor uptake or availability of appropriate technology systems? Or is it simply that end users either cannot or will not comply with edicts and have ways of getting around them?
Depending on your own experiences you could say one, some or all of the above but I think you might be missing something even more important. What is this something? It is what I call the three ‘P’s of internal Politics, Procedures and Processes and these have nothing to do with suppliers, intermediaries or individual travellers.
I have seen so many companies invest huge resources and money to create detailed and potentially rewarding travel programmes only to waste much benefit due to the three ‘P’s. Many of them choose not to identify this as the cause as it would not be considered ‘Politically’ correct to do so especially as the issues usually start at board level. A shame really as board level is where any rectifying needs to start.
So what am I actually saying? I believe that internal politics, inflexible procedures and lack of communication processes are the biggest road blocks when it comes to the delivery of a negotiated and delivered travel programme. I am also saying that non compliant travellers are not the biggest villains, it is more likely the messages they are receiving (or in some cases not) from much higher up the business chain of command.
Taking a closer look at any company’s board you can see why problems could occur. Rather like a herd of elephants you have the strong patriarch and around him a chain of command with different interests and abilities. Again, like any herd there is a fair amount of head butting and scheming going on. They all represent different interests from finance to sales, operations to procurement and some hold more sway than others.
Eventually these ‘band of brothers’ agree a policy. But do they really? You can be certain that there will be winners and losers but when it comes to something as emotive as travel they seem less inclined to feed their solidarity down the line. In some areas there can be a visible lack of zeal and that is all it takes to undermine a policy. Particularly when there are so many practical ways of getting around it.
Many companies end up with a policy that has been presented by procurement who are by no means top dog (or elephant!) at the board table, which is not satisfactory to all and then they have to communicate it to a sometimes incredulous work force. This is where we come to the second closely linked ‘P’ of procedures. Who is allowed to say what to whom and what are the ‘P’ for processes for doing it. How much can you or can’t you say about your decisions? How much should you justify them? How much should you mandate them?
Let us say those wise old elephants have at least given tacit support to the policy. Who is going to sponsor it and keep on the agenda as the process develops? Who is going to go to senior directors and ask them to pull their folk into line? How are those messages going to transmit through a company that, possibly, apart from payroll has no appropriate method for these types of communication?
My message to corporations is a simple one. Sort yourself out at the top. Put into place procedures and processes and only then consider the creation of a policy that is going to be committed to and enforced across the whole employee base. This will save you more than any supplier or intermediary will.
Depending on your own experiences you could say one, some or all of the above but I think you might be missing something even more important. What is this something? It is what I call the three ‘P’s of internal Politics, Procedures and Processes and these have nothing to do with suppliers, intermediaries or individual travellers.
I have seen so many companies invest huge resources and money to create detailed and potentially rewarding travel programmes only to waste much benefit due to the three ‘P’s. Many of them choose not to identify this as the cause as it would not be considered ‘Politically’ correct to do so especially as the issues usually start at board level. A shame really as board level is where any rectifying needs to start.
So what am I actually saying? I believe that internal politics, inflexible procedures and lack of communication processes are the biggest road blocks when it comes to the delivery of a negotiated and delivered travel programme. I am also saying that non compliant travellers are not the biggest villains, it is more likely the messages they are receiving (or in some cases not) from much higher up the business chain of command.
Taking a closer look at any company’s board you can see why problems could occur. Rather like a herd of elephants you have the strong patriarch and around him a chain of command with different interests and abilities. Again, like any herd there is a fair amount of head butting and scheming going on. They all represent different interests from finance to sales, operations to procurement and some hold more sway than others.
Eventually these ‘band of brothers’ agree a policy. But do they really? You can be certain that there will be winners and losers but when it comes to something as emotive as travel they seem less inclined to feed their solidarity down the line. In some areas there can be a visible lack of zeal and that is all it takes to undermine a policy. Particularly when there are so many practical ways of getting around it.
Many companies end up with a policy that has been presented by procurement who are by no means top dog (or elephant!) at the board table, which is not satisfactory to all and then they have to communicate it to a sometimes incredulous work force. This is where we come to the second closely linked ‘P’ of procedures. Who is allowed to say what to whom and what are the ‘P’ for processes for doing it. How much can you or can’t you say about your decisions? How much should you justify them? How much should you mandate them?
Let us say those wise old elephants have at least given tacit support to the policy. Who is going to sponsor it and keep on the agenda as the process develops? Who is going to go to senior directors and ask them to pull their folk into line? How are those messages going to transmit through a company that, possibly, apart from payroll has no appropriate method for these types of communication?
My message to corporations is a simple one. Sort yourself out at the top. Put into place procedures and processes and only then consider the creation of a policy that is going to be committed to and enforced across the whole employee base. This will save you more than any supplier or intermediary will.
Senin, 30 Januari 2012
The Longest Flight Home
Sometimes all you want is your own bed in your own house, especially towards the end of a hurried and stressful business trip. I certainly felt like that as I sat in a dull lounge at Los Angeles airport waiting for them to announce the flight back to London and home.
This trip had come fast after a previous one to Sao Paulo and it had not been long ago that I had been insane enough to fly from London to Australia for a day meeting then back. My body did not know where it was and my stomach didn’t know what it wanted. Certainly not the pretzels I was absently chewing, hastened downwards by a vicious Bloody Mary.
Never mind, I thought as the call finally came, the flight would be long and I would soon be getting the sleep I craved for. To my joy they upgraded both me and a conference colleague at the gate into First Class with its flat bed seats and comfy pyjamas. This is going to be just great I thought as I walked into the dimly lit soothing cabin. I was given a glass of champagne and led to my wide and welcoming armchair.
Now I never have trouble sleeping on aircraft, never. As soon as the plane took off and reached altitude I flattened my seat, collected a few stray pillows and dived under the duvet I had found in the overhead locker. My seat was cosily positioned, on its own, at the front of the plane.
Having announced to the nearest cabin crew that I did not want drinks, dinner or any other kind of service until breakfast I donned my eye shades,slid down the seat and fell into an immediate and beautiful dreamless sleep. What seemed like only a few seconds later a great big soft something crashed on top of me. I thought I was being suffocated by a giant marshmallow until I lifted my shades enough to see that the crew had dropped the rest of the duvets on top of me.
After receiving profuse apologies I drifted off once more and this lasted about ten minutes before I woke feeling a tentative hand pressing gently but persistently on my arm. I must have jerked upright suddenly because reeling back in front of me was a scared looking steward. He was talking but I heard nothing as the engines were roaring and I had taken out my hearing aids to sleep. Just a moment I grumbled as I groped around the seat in a semi stupor searching for them. They had disapeared.
Eventually my errant aids were retrieved by using to biros from where they had lost themselves in the mechanical interior of the seat and I put them on. “Yes” I said? “Tell me sir, will you be dining with us this evening” he asked with a beguiling innocent grin. “No I bloody will not” I grunted as I tried to wrestle back my duvet that had dispersed itself while I had searched for my aids.
I was getting even more tired and emotional but thankfully I managed to drift off again. Then the screeching started. Then it stopped. Then it started again. Was I dreaming? No, too loud for that. What the hell was it? I had forgotten to take my damn hearing aids back out and every time I rolled over the compression had made them screech. Only if you wear such aids do you know how unpleasant and wakeful that sound is.
Over the next hour or so I cat napped. I thought I had been clever getting seat 1A but the reverse was true. On this 747 seat 1A is right next to a big cupboard/hanging wardrobe and this one had a sticky door. Every time anyone wanted something from there they had to yank the door which made a sharp snapping sound. Then they would rummage around like noisy mice!
By this time I was past sleeping. Desperately tired yes, able to sleep? Definitely not. I tried everything. Lying this way, lying that way, on my back, the good old foetal position, but no luck. What really annoyed me was by this time everyone else had eaten their meals and gone to sleep. I was probably the only person awake and the crew had done their amazing disapearing act they always do on night flights.
There was the sound of snoring coming from all over the cabin, especially from the small frail old lady in the seat behind. I became fascinated by her as she had a great snoring action. She was as white as a corpse and her head was thrown back. Rather like the sound of a wave rushing into shore her mouth would open and then, when it could go no further the snore would come belowing out like a great breaker. The vibrations caused her false teeth to rattle around in her mouth. Fascinating stuff if you are that desperate!
How I envied them all. I was more exhausted than the lot of them combined but my brain refused point blank to shut down. In the end I gave up trying and decided to pick a boring old film from the I.F.E. system and see if that would help me sleep. It usually works at home, I thought to myself. I selected ‘Sleepless in Seattle’ as that seemed to describe the scene pretty well.
It did not work. I got into it instead. There I was, a grown man blubbing like a child as Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan (I think) came together. I must have looked a sad sight as an air hostess, who appeared from nowhere, must have seen me and brought over a cup of tea and a box of Kleenex tissues. Not my biggest alpha male moment and not conducive to sleep either.
By this time the flight was half over and any sleep I had snatched was not the restful type. However all that changed when the guy I was at the conference with woke up to use the wash room. “Can’t sleep”? he asked as he stretched luxuriantly. “No” I grunted. “Try these tablets, they are great” he said passing me a blister pack of pills. “Take a couple if you think you need them” he suggested. Now I do not usually take any kind of pills but I swallowed two of them out of desperation. They were high dosage Temazepam.
I fell into an immediate and spectacularly deep sleep for a very long time. In fact it was longer than the flight. Nobody could wake me. The crew tried, even the captain had a go. The old lady poked me with her knitting needle and someone tried cold water but nothing would revive me. They needed to land the aircraft but they had to do something with me first. In the end they put my seat upright and let me hang in it, bent double by the seat belt.
I was still in my drugged sleep after the plane landed and everyone else had disembarked. Eventually they got enough life out of me to manhandled me off the plane I still had my airline pyjamas on as nobody was prepared to change me! They left me in a plastic seat by the jetty along with my clothes on a hanger where I slept another two hours. At least one other plane load of passengers disembarked at that gate and walked past I heard one say “he must be drunk, disgraceful”!
I finally struggled awake, grabbed my things and ran to a toilet still dressed in my grey 'sleep suit'. Somehow I got myself to my car where I slept for another hour until I was awake enough to drive home. I got home and went to bed.
And then? I couldn’t sleep!
This trip had come fast after a previous one to Sao Paulo and it had not been long ago that I had been insane enough to fly from London to Australia for a day meeting then back. My body did not know where it was and my stomach didn’t know what it wanted. Certainly not the pretzels I was absently chewing, hastened downwards by a vicious Bloody Mary.
Never mind, I thought as the call finally came, the flight would be long and I would soon be getting the sleep I craved for. To my joy they upgraded both me and a conference colleague at the gate into First Class with its flat bed seats and comfy pyjamas. This is going to be just great I thought as I walked into the dimly lit soothing cabin. I was given a glass of champagne and led to my wide and welcoming armchair.
Now I never have trouble sleeping on aircraft, never. As soon as the plane took off and reached altitude I flattened my seat, collected a few stray pillows and dived under the duvet I had found in the overhead locker. My seat was cosily positioned, on its own, at the front of the plane.
Having announced to the nearest cabin crew that I did not want drinks, dinner or any other kind of service until breakfast I donned my eye shades,slid down the seat and fell into an immediate and beautiful dreamless sleep. What seemed like only a few seconds later a great big soft something crashed on top of me. I thought I was being suffocated by a giant marshmallow until I lifted my shades enough to see that the crew had dropped the rest of the duvets on top of me.
After receiving profuse apologies I drifted off once more and this lasted about ten minutes before I woke feeling a tentative hand pressing gently but persistently on my arm. I must have jerked upright suddenly because reeling back in front of me was a scared looking steward. He was talking but I heard nothing as the engines were roaring and I had taken out my hearing aids to sleep. Just a moment I grumbled as I groped around the seat in a semi stupor searching for them. They had disapeared.
Eventually my errant aids were retrieved by using to biros from where they had lost themselves in the mechanical interior of the seat and I put them on. “Yes” I said? “Tell me sir, will you be dining with us this evening” he asked with a beguiling innocent grin. “No I bloody will not” I grunted as I tried to wrestle back my duvet that had dispersed itself while I had searched for my aids.
I was getting even more tired and emotional but thankfully I managed to drift off again. Then the screeching started. Then it stopped. Then it started again. Was I dreaming? No, too loud for that. What the hell was it? I had forgotten to take my damn hearing aids back out and every time I rolled over the compression had made them screech. Only if you wear such aids do you know how unpleasant and wakeful that sound is.
Over the next hour or so I cat napped. I thought I had been clever getting seat 1A but the reverse was true. On this 747 seat 1A is right next to a big cupboard/hanging wardrobe and this one had a sticky door. Every time anyone wanted something from there they had to yank the door which made a sharp snapping sound. Then they would rummage around like noisy mice!
By this time I was past sleeping. Desperately tired yes, able to sleep? Definitely not. I tried everything. Lying this way, lying that way, on my back, the good old foetal position, but no luck. What really annoyed me was by this time everyone else had eaten their meals and gone to sleep. I was probably the only person awake and the crew had done their amazing disapearing act they always do on night flights.
There was the sound of snoring coming from all over the cabin, especially from the small frail old lady in the seat behind. I became fascinated by her as she had a great snoring action. She was as white as a corpse and her head was thrown back. Rather like the sound of a wave rushing into shore her mouth would open and then, when it could go no further the snore would come belowing out like a great breaker. The vibrations caused her false teeth to rattle around in her mouth. Fascinating stuff if you are that desperate!
How I envied them all. I was more exhausted than the lot of them combined but my brain refused point blank to shut down. In the end I gave up trying and decided to pick a boring old film from the I.F.E. system and see if that would help me sleep. It usually works at home, I thought to myself. I selected ‘Sleepless in Seattle’ as that seemed to describe the scene pretty well.
It did not work. I got into it instead. There I was, a grown man blubbing like a child as Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan (I think) came together. I must have looked a sad sight as an air hostess, who appeared from nowhere, must have seen me and brought over a cup of tea and a box of Kleenex tissues. Not my biggest alpha male moment and not conducive to sleep either.
By this time the flight was half over and any sleep I had snatched was not the restful type. However all that changed when the guy I was at the conference with woke up to use the wash room. “Can’t sleep”? he asked as he stretched luxuriantly. “No” I grunted. “Try these tablets, they are great” he said passing me a blister pack of pills. “Take a couple if you think you need them” he suggested. Now I do not usually take any kind of pills but I swallowed two of them out of desperation. They were high dosage Temazepam.
I fell into an immediate and spectacularly deep sleep for a very long time. In fact it was longer than the flight. Nobody could wake me. The crew tried, even the captain had a go. The old lady poked me with her knitting needle and someone tried cold water but nothing would revive me. They needed to land the aircraft but they had to do something with me first. In the end they put my seat upright and let me hang in it, bent double by the seat belt.
I was still in my drugged sleep after the plane landed and everyone else had disembarked. Eventually they got enough life out of me to manhandled me off the plane I still had my airline pyjamas on as nobody was prepared to change me! They left me in a plastic seat by the jetty along with my clothes on a hanger where I slept another two hours. At least one other plane load of passengers disembarked at that gate and walked past I heard one say “he must be drunk, disgraceful”!
I finally struggled awake, grabbed my things and ran to a toilet still dressed in my grey 'sleep suit'. Somehow I got myself to my car where I slept for another hour until I was awake enough to drive home. I got home and went to bed.
And then? I couldn’t sleep!
Minggu, 29 Januari 2012
Travelling with the Stars - Naomi Campbell
What with all the regular publicity about the lovely Naomi I thought I should award her an exclusive in my humble blog. Like they say in those wonderful cosmetic advertisement ‘She’s worth it’.
I have flown with Naomi three times and got hugged by her once. Not bad averages really, especially as she was in her pyjamas at the time. Let me explain.
The first two times I saw her were on Concorde (naturally). There I was sitting at the back of the cabin with one of the only two remaining empty seats next to me. The flight was clearly being delayed for someone and suddenly she was there. She glided through the door flowing along with tight pants and a sheer silk blouse that left zero to the imagination. You could have heard a pin drop as she sasheyed further towards me and I thought ‘oh my, she is going to sit next to me. At the very last moment she gave me what I then thought was a shy and coquettish smile and……walked straight past. Behind her was an enormous Texan with a gut like a zeppelin who levered himself into the seat next to me, smiling knowingly saying “I guess this ain’t your day son”.
I have to say though Ms Campbell was sensational in that she is one of not too many that looks far better live than she does on the cover of a glossy magazine. She also seemed to have a skill that turns tough international business travellers into fawning lap dogs. “Do let me get your bag off the carousel Ms Campbell”, Let me help you with that Ms Campbell” “Where are you staying in New York Ms. Campbell”. And that was only me. The other passengers were far worse! My last view of her on that occasion was seeing this vast luggage belt with all the male Concorde passengers plus Naomi jammed in one small area as they all vied to carry her Louis Vuitton overnight bag.
My last brush with Naomi was really weird. I was sitting in seat 1A on a flight to Sao Paulo and just before the doors closed I was asked if I would move back a seat to 2A. Reason given was they had a VIP boarding and she always insists on 1A so as not to be bothered by anyone. Being an amiable soul I agreed to move and on wafted the lovely Naomi once more and plonked herself in my ex seat. She then proceeded to talk simultaneously on two phones and a blackberry while we taxied to the runway. She was finally asked to stop by a rather wary air hostess as the engines revved for take-off.
Once in the air she was straight in the toilet and emerged about 20 minutes later dressed in a pair of those grey BA first class pyjamas and a face covered in cream. On any one else it would have appeared awful but on her she looked 1 million dollars. I guess that is why she is still one of the world’s top models. She would make a potato sack look classy.
She obviously planned to go straight to sleep and, as I had a flight load of work to do, I popped round to her side and asked if the light would bother her. She reacted as if I had poked her with a cattle prod by recoiling back, muttering something incoherent and looking the other way. Having faced that apparently hostile response I slunk back to my lonely seat and grappled out my PC and spent the next four hours preparing numerous emails about very little.
Suddenly something changed. I could see a dark grey shadow moving towards my small pool of light preceded by the smell of a heavenly and expensive perfume. It was Naomi. Next thing I had been grabbed and clutched to her bosom. Am I hallucinating I wondered? Should I have stopped at two brandies after dinner? But no, it really was Naomi Campbell suffocating me in a most original but not entirely unpleasant way. She finally released me and said huskily that I had been very nice to her earlier on and “thank you”. Wow I thought, maybe some sections of the media were wrong about her and she was a sweet thing really.
I drifted off to a perfumed sleep and woke on the final approach to Sao Paulo. What woke me were Naomi’s phones, all of them, and she was going ballistic at some poor soul on the other end of one of them. She was demanding to know where he was, who he was with and threatening to get the next plane home. This was before her flight in had even landed and none of the crew seemed inclined or brave enough to tell her to stop.
We got to the gate and set off for the baggage hall. By this time Naomi was screaming at people demanding her bags NOW so she could check in for the return flight. The fuss she created was so great that security was called and I beat a hasty retreat through customs.
The next morning I was having breakfast and listening to the news when her name came up again. The newsreader was saying how Naomi Campbell had collapsed apparently ill at Sao Paulo airport and was rushed to a Brazilian hospital to have an emergency cyst operation. So that is what it was all about I thought. Or was it? Life is never boring when flying with Naomi Campbell.
I have flown with Naomi three times and got hugged by her once. Not bad averages really, especially as she was in her pyjamas at the time. Let me explain.
The first two times I saw her were on Concorde (naturally). There I was sitting at the back of the cabin with one of the only two remaining empty seats next to me. The flight was clearly being delayed for someone and suddenly she was there. She glided through the door flowing along with tight pants and a sheer silk blouse that left zero to the imagination. You could have heard a pin drop as she sasheyed further towards me and I thought ‘oh my, she is going to sit next to me. At the very last moment she gave me what I then thought was a shy and coquettish smile and……walked straight past. Behind her was an enormous Texan with a gut like a zeppelin who levered himself into the seat next to me, smiling knowingly saying “I guess this ain’t your day son”.
I have to say though Ms Campbell was sensational in that she is one of not too many that looks far better live than she does on the cover of a glossy magazine. She also seemed to have a skill that turns tough international business travellers into fawning lap dogs. “Do let me get your bag off the carousel Ms Campbell”, Let me help you with that Ms Campbell” “Where are you staying in New York Ms. Campbell”. And that was only me. The other passengers were far worse! My last view of her on that occasion was seeing this vast luggage belt with all the male Concorde passengers plus Naomi jammed in one small area as they all vied to carry her Louis Vuitton overnight bag.
My last brush with Naomi was really weird. I was sitting in seat 1A on a flight to Sao Paulo and just before the doors closed I was asked if I would move back a seat to 2A. Reason given was they had a VIP boarding and she always insists on 1A so as not to be bothered by anyone. Being an amiable soul I agreed to move and on wafted the lovely Naomi once more and plonked herself in my ex seat. She then proceeded to talk simultaneously on two phones and a blackberry while we taxied to the runway. She was finally asked to stop by a rather wary air hostess as the engines revved for take-off.
Once in the air she was straight in the toilet and emerged about 20 minutes later dressed in a pair of those grey BA first class pyjamas and a face covered in cream. On any one else it would have appeared awful but on her she looked 1 million dollars. I guess that is why she is still one of the world’s top models. She would make a potato sack look classy.
She obviously planned to go straight to sleep and, as I had a flight load of work to do, I popped round to her side and asked if the light would bother her. She reacted as if I had poked her with a cattle prod by recoiling back, muttering something incoherent and looking the other way. Having faced that apparently hostile response I slunk back to my lonely seat and grappled out my PC and spent the next four hours preparing numerous emails about very little.
Suddenly something changed. I could see a dark grey shadow moving towards my small pool of light preceded by the smell of a heavenly and expensive perfume. It was Naomi. Next thing I had been grabbed and clutched to her bosom. Am I hallucinating I wondered? Should I have stopped at two brandies after dinner? But no, it really was Naomi Campbell suffocating me in a most original but not entirely unpleasant way. She finally released me and said huskily that I had been very nice to her earlier on and “thank you”. Wow I thought, maybe some sections of the media were wrong about her and she was a sweet thing really.
I drifted off to a perfumed sleep and woke on the final approach to Sao Paulo. What woke me were Naomi’s phones, all of them, and she was going ballistic at some poor soul on the other end of one of them. She was demanding to know where he was, who he was with and threatening to get the next plane home. This was before her flight in had even landed and none of the crew seemed inclined or brave enough to tell her to stop.
We got to the gate and set off for the baggage hall. By this time Naomi was screaming at people demanding her bags NOW so she could check in for the return flight. The fuss she created was so great that security was called and I beat a hasty retreat through customs.
The next morning I was having breakfast and listening to the news when her name came up again. The newsreader was saying how Naomi Campbell had collapsed apparently ill at Sao Paulo airport and was rushed to a Brazilian hospital to have an emergency cyst operation. So that is what it was all about I thought. Or was it? Life is never boring when flying with Naomi Campbell.
Jumat, 13 Januari 2012
CONTENTS
Section 1 - Comment
Section 2 - Humour
(To locate entries scroll down this page or through appropriate month/year shown under 'Blog Archive' on right hand column)
COMMENT
(To locate entries scroll down this page or through appropriate month shown under 'Blog Archive' on right hand column)
FEB A Travel Policy’s Biggest Barrier
JAN Low Cost Airlines - Honeymoon Over?
JAN Travel Supply Chain Intelligence
JAN ASK me a QUESTION
DEC A Christmas Message
DEC Travel Report Anguilla
NOV A London Airport Solution?
OCT So Will Airlines go Direct Connect or Not?
SEP A Distribution Prediction
AUG Do we need another Industry Association?
JUL What the Customer Really Wants? – Part 1
JUL Who is the customer around here anyway?
APR Can TMC Brain Power Still Save Money?
MAR Combined Airline Deals – Good or Bad?
MAR Travel Evolution is not just about Technology – Right?
FEB Travel Services – Buying is just the beginning.
FEB Anybody Understand the Corporate Hotel Market?
FEB Getting back to basics with business travellers
JAN What happens when TMCs become GDS
JAN Better to never have something than see it taken away?
JAN The Evolution of Air Distribution – The Story so Far
JAN What does a hotel brand really mean?
JAN Direct Connect – The first significant skirmish in a long campaign.
DEC Loyalty Cards – What value?
DEC Christmas Distribution Story - 2
DEC A Christmas Distribution Story
DEC You don’t get ‘owt for nowt’ in travel distribution.
NOV BA dispute – Pride and promises
NOV GDS/Airline issue. Coming to a head?
OCT A Take on AA Distribution Issues
SEP Data Provision - Sounds Easy?
SEP Just how much would you Disclose?
AUG Can TMCs Really Influence Business?-Switch selling...
AUG Travel Compliance – So very easy.
AUG Can TMCs Really Influence Business? – Deals
AUG Can TMCs really influence business?
JUL Why small is becoming big in Business Travel.
JUN A different approach to TMC negotiations
JUN Global Travel Programmes – Delivering?
MAY Airlines and Travel Management Companies (TMC)
APR Airline marriages? Call for Jerry Springer.
APR Travel and the Environment
MAR Do academics understand the real world
MAR Is Government Buying Wisely?
MAR Who should buy travel? (Part two)
FEB Who should buy travel? (Part one)
SEP The Beat Live. Boy what a Blast
SEP A Distribution Prediction
AUG Do we need another Industry Association?
JUL What the Customer Really Wants? – Part 1
JUL Who is the customer around here anyway?
JUL READERS FORUM
APR Can TMC Brain Power Still Save Money?
MAR Combined Airline Deals – Good or Bad?
MAR Travel Evolution is not just about Technology – Right?
FEB Travel Services – Buying is just the beginning.
FEB Anybody Understand the Corporate Hotel Market?
FEB Getting back to basics with business travellers
JAN What happens when TMCs become GDS
JAN Better to never have something than see it taken away?
JAN The Evolution of Air Distribution – The Story so Far
JAN What does a hotel brand really mean?
JAN Direct Connect – The first significant skirmish in a long campaign.
DEC Loyalty Cards – What value?
DEC Christmas Distribution Story - 2
DEC A Christmas Distribution Story
DEC You don’t get ‘owt for nowt’ in travel distribution.
NOV BA dispute – Pride and promises
NOV GDS/Airline issue. Coming to a head?
OCT A Take on AA Distribution Issues
SEP Data Provision - Sounds Easy?
SEP Just how much would you Disclose?
AUG Can TMCs Really Influence Business?-Switch selling...
AUG Travel Compliance – So very easy.
AUG Can TMCs Really Influence Business? – Deals
AUG Can TMCs really influence business?
JUL Why small is becoming big in Business Travel.
JUN A different approach to TMC negotiations
JUN Global Travel Programmes – Delivering?
MAY Airlines and Travel Management Companies (TMC)
APR Airline marriages? Call for Jerry Springer.
APR Travel and the Environment
MAR Do academics understand the real world
MAR Is Government Buying Wisely?
MAR Who should buy travel? (Part two)
FEB Who should buy travel? (Part one)
MAR Travel Evolution is not just about Technology – Right?
MAR My Greatest 'Hits'
FEB Travel Services – Buying is just the beginning.
FEB Anybody Understand the Corporate Hotel Market?
FEB Getting back to basics with business travellers
JAN What happens when TMCs become GDS
JAN Better to never have something than see it taken away?
JAN The Evolution of Air Distribution – The Story so Far
JAN What does a hotel brand really mean?
JAN Direct Connect – The first significant skirmish in a long campaign.
DEC Loyalty Cards – What value?
DEC Christmas Distribution Story - 2
DEC A Christmas Distribution Story
DEC You don’t get ‘owt for nowt’ in travel distribution.
NOV BA dispute – Pride and promises
NOV GDS/Airline issue. Coming to a head?
OCT A Take on AA Distribution Issues
SEP Data Provision - Sounds Easy?
SEP Just how much would you Disclose?
AUG Can TMCs Really Influence Business?-Switch selling...
AUG Travel Compliance – So very easy.
AUG Can TMCs Really Influence Business? – Deals
AUG Can TMCs really influence business?
JUL Why small is becoming big in Business Travel.
JUN A different approach to TMC negotiations
JUN Global Travel Programmes – Delivering?
MAY Airlines and Travel Management Companies (TMC)
APR Airline marriages? Call for Jerry Springer.
APR Travel and the Environment
MAR Do academics understand the real world
MAR Is Government Buying Wisely?
MAR Who should buy travel? (Part two)
FEB Who should buy travel? (Part one)
HUMOUR
(To locate entries scroll down this page or through appropriate month/year shown under 'Blog Archive' on right hand column)
JAN The Longest Flight Home
SEP Entertaining foreign dignitaries - Part 4
SEP Entertaining Foreign Dignitaries - part 3
SEP Entertaining Foreign Dignitaries – Part 2
AUG An Innocent in Brazil - Part 3
AUG An Innocent in Brazil – Part 2
AUG An Innocent in Brazil – Part 1
JUL Entertaining Foreign Dignitaries - Part 1
JUL Readers Forum
JUL A Blogger in Paradise -Majorca Part 4
JUL A Blogger in Paradise -Majorca Part 3
JUL A Blogger in Paradise –Majorca Part 2
JUL A Blogger in Paradise –Majorca Part -1
JUN Dining Out on Business Travel - Part 6
JUN Dining Out on Business Travel - Part 5
MAY Dining Out on Business Travel – Part 4
MAY Dining out on Business Travel - Part 3
MAY Dining out on Business Travel – Part 2
MAY Dining Out on Business Travel – Part 1
APR A Secure Life Abroad – Part 6
MAR A Secure Life Abroad - Part 5
MAR A Secure Life Abroad - Part 4
MAR A Secure Life Abroad – Part 3
MAR My life in Hotels - Part 4
MAR My Greatest 'Hits'
FEB My life in hotels – Part 3
FEB My Life in Hotels Part 2
FEB My life in Hotels - Part 1
JAN My Life in Bars - Part 1
JAN A Blogger in Paradise - Maldives
JAN Children Behaving Badly - Unmins
JAN Passengers Behaving badly – Concorde
DEC A Secure Life Abroad 2 - Zambia
DEC A Secure Life Abroad 1
DEC Pets Abroad 2 – Carnage in Kitwe
DEC My life in Toilets - Part 2
DEC My Life in Toilets – Part 1
DEC Pets Abroad
DEC Corporate entertaining 3 – Could end in divorce!
DEC Corporate entertaining 2 - A few painful lessons learned
DEC Beware the Bearded Scotsman - SPAA Dinners
DEC Brushes with the rich and famous – Frank Sinatra
DEC Brushes with the rich and famous – Michael O’Leary...
DEC Brushes with the Rich and Famous– Richard Branson.
DEC Brushes with the rich and famous – Naomi Campbel
DEC Brushes with the Rich and Famous – Conference Moderators.
DEC Brushes with the rich and famous – Royalty
DEC Paupers in Paradise
DEC Peril on Planes 2
DEC Stranger than fiction
DEC Peril on Planes 1
DEC The Sleeping Salesman
DEC Our Colin got a Nasty Rash in Brazil.
DEC Pets on Planes. Part 3
DEC Welcome to Lagos
DEC Pets on planes. Part 2
DEC Pets on Planes. Part 1.
DEC A truly sickening idea
DEC Ladies of the Night
DEC A Distressed Salesman in Paris
DEC Getting an Upgrade. A matter of Life and Death?
AUG An Innocent in Brazil – Part 1
JUL Entertaining Foreign Dignitaries - Part 1
JUL A Blogger in Paradise -Majorca- Part 4
JUL A Blogger in Paradise –Majorca- Part 3
JUL A Blogger in Paradise –Majorca -Part 2
JUL A Blogger in Paradise –Majorca -Part 1
JUN Dining Out on Business Travel - Part 6
JUN Dining Out on Business travel - Part 5
MAY Dining Out on Business Travel – Part 4
MAY Dining out on Business Travel - Part 3
MAY Dining out on Business Travel – Part 2
MAY Dining Out on Business Travel – Part 1
APR A Secure Life Abroad – Part 6
MAR A Secure Life Abroad - Part 5
MAR A Secure Life Abroad - Part 4
MAR A Secure Life Abroad – Part 3
MAR My life in Hotels - Part 4
FEB My life in hotels – Part 3
FEB My Life in Hotels Part 2
FEB My life in hotels Part 1
JAN My life in Bars - Part2
JAN My Life in Bars - Part 1
JAN A Blogger in Paradise - Maldives
JAN Children Behaving Badly - Unmins
JAN Passengers Behaving badly – Concorde
DEC A Secure Life Abroad 2 - Zambia
DEC A Secure Life Abroad 1
NOV Pets Abroad 2 – Carnage in Kitwe
NOV My life in Toilets - Part 2
NOV My Life in Toilets – Part 1
OCT Pets Abroad
OCT Corporate entertaining 3 – Could end in divorce!
OCT Corporate entertaining 2 - A few painful lessons learned
SEP Beware the Bearded Scotsman - SPAA Dinners
SEP Brushes with the rich and famous – Frank Sinatra
SEP Brushes with the rich and famous – Michael O’Leary...
AUG Brushes with the Rich and Famous– Richard Branson.
AUG Brushes with the rich and famous – Naomi Campbel
AUG Brushes with the Rich and Famous – Conference Moderators.
JUL Brushes with the rich and famous – Royalty
JUL Paupers in Paradise
JUN Peril on Planes 2
JUN Stranger than fiction
MAY Peril on Planes 1
MAY The Sleeping Salesman
APR Our Colin got a Nasty Rash in Brazil.
APR Pets on Planes. Part 3
APR Welcome to Lagos
APR Pets on planes. Part 2
MAR Pets on Planes. Part 1.
MAR A truly sickening idea
MAR Ladies of the Night
FEB A Distressed Salesman in Paris
FEB Getting an Upgrade. A matter of Life and Death
Section 2 - Humour
(To locate entries scroll down this page or through appropriate month/year shown under 'Blog Archive' on right hand column)
COMMENT
(To locate entries scroll down this page or through appropriate month shown under 'Blog Archive' on right hand column)
FEB A Travel Policy’s Biggest Barrier
JAN Low Cost Airlines - Honeymoon Over?
JAN Travel Supply Chain Intelligence
JAN ASK me a QUESTION
DEC A Christmas Message
DEC Travel Report Anguilla
NOV A London Airport Solution?
OCT So Will Airlines go Direct Connect or Not?
SEP A Distribution Prediction
AUG Do we need another Industry Association?
JUL What the Customer Really Wants? – Part 1
JUL Who is the customer around here anyway?
APR Can TMC Brain Power Still Save Money?
MAR Combined Airline Deals – Good or Bad?
MAR Travel Evolution is not just about Technology – Right?
FEB Travel Services – Buying is just the beginning.
FEB Anybody Understand the Corporate Hotel Market?
FEB Getting back to basics with business travellers
JAN What happens when TMCs become GDS
JAN Better to never have something than see it taken away?
JAN The Evolution of Air Distribution – The Story so Far
JAN What does a hotel brand really mean?
JAN Direct Connect – The first significant skirmish in a long campaign.
DEC Loyalty Cards – What value?
DEC Christmas Distribution Story - 2
DEC A Christmas Distribution Story
DEC You don’t get ‘owt for nowt’ in travel distribution.
NOV BA dispute – Pride and promises
NOV GDS/Airline issue. Coming to a head?
OCT A Take on AA Distribution Issues
SEP Data Provision - Sounds Easy?
SEP Just how much would you Disclose?
AUG Can TMCs Really Influence Business?-Switch selling...
AUG Travel Compliance – So very easy.
AUG Can TMCs Really Influence Business? – Deals
AUG Can TMCs really influence business?
JUL Why small is becoming big in Business Travel.
JUN A different approach to TMC negotiations
JUN Global Travel Programmes – Delivering?
MAY Airlines and Travel Management Companies (TMC)
APR Airline marriages? Call for Jerry Springer.
APR Travel and the Environment
MAR Do academics understand the real world
MAR Is Government Buying Wisely?
MAR Who should buy travel? (Part two)
FEB Who should buy travel? (Part one)
SEP The Beat Live. Boy what a Blast
SEP A Distribution Prediction
AUG Do we need another Industry Association?
JUL What the Customer Really Wants? – Part 1
JUL Who is the customer around here anyway?
JUL READERS FORUM
APR Can TMC Brain Power Still Save Money?
MAR Combined Airline Deals – Good or Bad?
MAR Travel Evolution is not just about Technology – Right?
FEB Travel Services – Buying is just the beginning.
FEB Anybody Understand the Corporate Hotel Market?
FEB Getting back to basics with business travellers
JAN What happens when TMCs become GDS
JAN Better to never have something than see it taken away?
JAN The Evolution of Air Distribution – The Story so Far
JAN What does a hotel brand really mean?
JAN Direct Connect – The first significant skirmish in a long campaign.
DEC Loyalty Cards – What value?
DEC Christmas Distribution Story - 2
DEC A Christmas Distribution Story
DEC You don’t get ‘owt for nowt’ in travel distribution.
NOV BA dispute – Pride and promises
NOV GDS/Airline issue. Coming to a head?
OCT A Take on AA Distribution Issues
SEP Data Provision - Sounds Easy?
SEP Just how much would you Disclose?
AUG Can TMCs Really Influence Business?-Switch selling...
AUG Travel Compliance – So very easy.
AUG Can TMCs Really Influence Business? – Deals
AUG Can TMCs really influence business?
JUL Why small is becoming big in Business Travel.
JUN A different approach to TMC negotiations
JUN Global Travel Programmes – Delivering?
MAY Airlines and Travel Management Companies (TMC)
APR Airline marriages? Call for Jerry Springer.
APR Travel and the Environment
MAR Do academics understand the real world
MAR Is Government Buying Wisely?
MAR Who should buy travel? (Part two)
FEB Who should buy travel? (Part one)
MAR Travel Evolution is not just about Technology – Right?
MAR My Greatest 'Hits'
FEB Travel Services – Buying is just the beginning.
FEB Anybody Understand the Corporate Hotel Market?
FEB Getting back to basics with business travellers
JAN What happens when TMCs become GDS
JAN Better to never have something than see it taken away?
JAN The Evolution of Air Distribution – The Story so Far
JAN What does a hotel brand really mean?
JAN Direct Connect – The first significant skirmish in a long campaign.
DEC Loyalty Cards – What value?
DEC Christmas Distribution Story - 2
DEC A Christmas Distribution Story
DEC You don’t get ‘owt for nowt’ in travel distribution.
NOV BA dispute – Pride and promises
NOV GDS/Airline issue. Coming to a head?
OCT A Take on AA Distribution Issues
SEP Data Provision - Sounds Easy?
SEP Just how much would you Disclose?
AUG Can TMCs Really Influence Business?-Switch selling...
AUG Travel Compliance – So very easy.
AUG Can TMCs Really Influence Business? – Deals
AUG Can TMCs really influence business?
JUL Why small is becoming big in Business Travel.
JUN A different approach to TMC negotiations
JUN Global Travel Programmes – Delivering?
MAY Airlines and Travel Management Companies (TMC)
APR Airline marriages? Call for Jerry Springer.
APR Travel and the Environment
MAR Do academics understand the real world
MAR Is Government Buying Wisely?
MAR Who should buy travel? (Part two)
FEB Who should buy travel? (Part one)
HUMOUR
(To locate entries scroll down this page or through appropriate month/year shown under 'Blog Archive' on right hand column)
JAN The Longest Flight Home
SEP Entertaining foreign dignitaries - Part 4
SEP Entertaining Foreign Dignitaries - part 3
SEP Entertaining Foreign Dignitaries – Part 2
AUG An Innocent in Brazil - Part 3
AUG An Innocent in Brazil – Part 2
AUG An Innocent in Brazil – Part 1
JUL Entertaining Foreign Dignitaries - Part 1
JUL Readers Forum
JUL A Blogger in Paradise -Majorca Part 4
JUL A Blogger in Paradise -Majorca Part 3
JUL A Blogger in Paradise –Majorca Part 2
JUL A Blogger in Paradise –Majorca Part -1
JUN Dining Out on Business Travel - Part 6
JUN Dining Out on Business Travel - Part 5
MAY Dining Out on Business Travel – Part 4
MAY Dining out on Business Travel - Part 3
MAY Dining out on Business Travel – Part 2
MAY Dining Out on Business Travel – Part 1
APR A Secure Life Abroad – Part 6
MAR A Secure Life Abroad - Part 5
MAR A Secure Life Abroad - Part 4
MAR A Secure Life Abroad – Part 3
MAR My life in Hotels - Part 4
MAR My Greatest 'Hits'
FEB My life in hotels – Part 3
FEB My Life in Hotels Part 2
FEB My life in Hotels - Part 1
JAN My Life in Bars - Part 1
JAN A Blogger in Paradise - Maldives
JAN Children Behaving Badly - Unmins
JAN Passengers Behaving badly – Concorde
DEC A Secure Life Abroad 2 - Zambia
DEC A Secure Life Abroad 1
DEC Pets Abroad 2 – Carnage in Kitwe
DEC My life in Toilets - Part 2
DEC My Life in Toilets – Part 1
DEC Pets Abroad
DEC Corporate entertaining 3 – Could end in divorce!
DEC Corporate entertaining 2 - A few painful lessons learned
DEC Beware the Bearded Scotsman - SPAA Dinners
DEC Brushes with the rich and famous – Frank Sinatra
DEC Brushes with the rich and famous – Michael O’Leary...
DEC Brushes with the Rich and Famous– Richard Branson.
DEC Brushes with the rich and famous – Naomi Campbel
DEC Brushes with the Rich and Famous – Conference Moderators.
DEC Brushes with the rich and famous – Royalty
DEC Paupers in Paradise
DEC Peril on Planes 2
DEC Stranger than fiction
DEC Peril on Planes 1
DEC The Sleeping Salesman
DEC Our Colin got a Nasty Rash in Brazil.
DEC Pets on Planes. Part 3
DEC Welcome to Lagos
DEC Pets on planes. Part 2
DEC Pets on Planes. Part 1.
DEC A truly sickening idea
DEC Ladies of the Night
DEC A Distressed Salesman in Paris
DEC Getting an Upgrade. A matter of Life and Death?
AUG An Innocent in Brazil – Part 1
JUL Entertaining Foreign Dignitaries - Part 1
JUL A Blogger in Paradise -Majorca- Part 4
JUL A Blogger in Paradise –Majorca- Part 3
JUL A Blogger in Paradise –Majorca -Part 2
JUL A Blogger in Paradise –Majorca -Part 1
JUN Dining Out on Business Travel - Part 6
JUN Dining Out on Business travel - Part 5
MAY Dining Out on Business Travel – Part 4
MAY Dining out on Business Travel - Part 3
MAY Dining out on Business Travel – Part 2
MAY Dining Out on Business Travel – Part 1
APR A Secure Life Abroad – Part 6
MAR A Secure Life Abroad - Part 5
MAR A Secure Life Abroad - Part 4
MAR A Secure Life Abroad – Part 3
MAR My life in Hotels - Part 4
FEB My life in hotels – Part 3
FEB My Life in Hotels Part 2
FEB My life in hotels Part 1
JAN My life in Bars - Part2
JAN My Life in Bars - Part 1
JAN A Blogger in Paradise - Maldives
JAN Children Behaving Badly - Unmins
JAN Passengers Behaving badly – Concorde
DEC A Secure Life Abroad 2 - Zambia
DEC A Secure Life Abroad 1
NOV Pets Abroad 2 – Carnage in Kitwe
NOV My life in Toilets - Part 2
NOV My Life in Toilets – Part 1
OCT Pets Abroad
OCT Corporate entertaining 3 – Could end in divorce!
OCT Corporate entertaining 2 - A few painful lessons learned
SEP Beware the Bearded Scotsman - SPAA Dinners
SEP Brushes with the rich and famous – Frank Sinatra
SEP Brushes with the rich and famous – Michael O’Leary...
AUG Brushes with the Rich and Famous– Richard Branson.
AUG Brushes with the rich and famous – Naomi Campbel
AUG Brushes with the Rich and Famous – Conference Moderators.
JUL Brushes with the rich and famous – Royalty
JUL Paupers in Paradise
JUN Peril on Planes 2
JUN Stranger than fiction
MAY Peril on Planes 1
MAY The Sleeping Salesman
APR Our Colin got a Nasty Rash in Brazil.
APR Pets on Planes. Part 3
APR Welcome to Lagos
APR Pets on planes. Part 2
MAR Pets on Planes. Part 1.
MAR A truly sickening idea
MAR Ladies of the Night
FEB A Distressed Salesman in Paris
FEB Getting an Upgrade. A matter of Life and Death
Low Cost Airlines - Honeymoon Over?
The other day I spoke to a friend who had always been a massive supporter of European low cost/no frills airlines. He looked pretty annoyed and moaned about the fact that many of the deals that used to be around no longer exist. He also could not understand why he now has to do a lot of the work for them such as online check-in etc yet pay for almost every extra you can think of. Why, he said should I do all the work yet more often than not have to pay an administration fee.
It seems to me that more people than just my friend are falling out of love with these airlines. One person put it quite emotionally by saying he felt ‘betrayed by these so called ‘people's champions’. Having been in the business for many years I was surprised that folk could believe that these airlines were working in anything else but self interest but I guess if one looks at some of their past marketing and newspaper publicity one might understand.
I have my own views on this sector of the market and, as he asked my opinion I gave it. This is what I said:
OK, this is how I think the low cost airline model works:
They start a route on the stack them high and sell them cheap basis. They cut their costs to the bone and undercut the prices of any competition from the big boys. This works for a year or two until they have got hold of as many passengers they can on that route. Then their problems start.
You see, like all business they need to generate increased year on year profits but where is that increase going to come from? After all, their costs have already been stripped to the basics. They struggle to increase passenger numbers because they have already cornered their share of the market. Also this share is being attacked by the major carriers who have adjusted their prices to compete on the same ‘net plus extras’ model.
So the only way to please their investors is to enter new markets (they are already established in the best ones) and get more money from existing passengers. How do you get more money from them? Well you check your stats, booking patterns, peak flights and increase fares on those services that are popular (good timings etc) up to the highest level they think they can get away with. Then they look elsewhere amongst ancillary costs such as credit card fees, airport service 'frills' and start charging for them. When the authorities catch up with those they feel unacceptable they move these charges to a grey area described as 'admin fees'. On top of this they try to sell their customers non airline services like car hire and hotels and then go to these suppliers and negotiate special commissions for giving them business.
So the issue is that they have to keep growing in order to keep their share price up. Great in the old days but hard now they are established. The only good thing about this is that, as a result prices are finally becoming much more transparent so you can choose what you are going to get i.e. you can pick poor timings on less popular routes and still pay a low fare. As mentioned earlier these companies sell through big time marketing campaigns which mean they will still offer the occasional mega headline grabbing deals here and there.
The thing to remember is these airlines work on the basis that they do not want you to pay less than the maximum you are prepared to spend and they are finding out what that sum is in all sorts of clever ways. One could argue they are more pirates than charities!
It seems to me that more people than just my friend are falling out of love with these airlines. One person put it quite emotionally by saying he felt ‘betrayed by these so called ‘people's champions’. Having been in the business for many years I was surprised that folk could believe that these airlines were working in anything else but self interest but I guess if one looks at some of their past marketing and newspaper publicity one might understand.
I have my own views on this sector of the market and, as he asked my opinion I gave it. This is what I said:
OK, this is how I think the low cost airline model works:
They start a route on the stack them high and sell them cheap basis. They cut their costs to the bone and undercut the prices of any competition from the big boys. This works for a year or two until they have got hold of as many passengers they can on that route. Then their problems start.
You see, like all business they need to generate increased year on year profits but where is that increase going to come from? After all, their costs have already been stripped to the basics. They struggle to increase passenger numbers because they have already cornered their share of the market. Also this share is being attacked by the major carriers who have adjusted their prices to compete on the same ‘net plus extras’ model.
So the only way to please their investors is to enter new markets (they are already established in the best ones) and get more money from existing passengers. How do you get more money from them? Well you check your stats, booking patterns, peak flights and increase fares on those services that are popular (good timings etc) up to the highest level they think they can get away with. Then they look elsewhere amongst ancillary costs such as credit card fees, airport service 'frills' and start charging for them. When the authorities catch up with those they feel unacceptable they move these charges to a grey area described as 'admin fees'. On top of this they try to sell their customers non airline services like car hire and hotels and then go to these suppliers and negotiate special commissions for giving them business.
So the issue is that they have to keep growing in order to keep their share price up. Great in the old days but hard now they are established. The only good thing about this is that, as a result prices are finally becoming much more transparent so you can choose what you are going to get i.e. you can pick poor timings on less popular routes and still pay a low fare. As mentioned earlier these companies sell through big time marketing campaigns which mean they will still offer the occasional mega headline grabbing deals here and there.
The thing to remember is these airlines work on the basis that they do not want you to pay less than the maximum you are prepared to spend and they are finding out what that sum is in all sorts of clever ways. One could argue they are more pirates than charities!
Kamis, 05 Januari 2012
Travel Supply Chain Intelligence
It has never ceased to surprise me how little time the chain studies its partners, clients and perceived competitors. They are all intertwined in activities right the way from the traveller to the front end supplier yet history demonstrates that they do not understand the people they depend on or those they want to replace.
A good example would be say an airline that wants to replace a TMC or GDS which is quite topical at the moment. Now the black and white capability is there in the shape of enabling technology but the real world is in colour and of different shades and complexity. Technology systems are the beginning of the road not the end of it, an enabler not the solution. But some folks just plough on anyway and seem genuinely shocked at the push back
I am convinced this happens because the players have not set the right priorities into understanding all of the things the other components do. Instead they blindly follow their ‘ideal scenario’ strategy and attempt to bludgeon it into the marketplace. Sometimes this just might work in parts but the risk of fall-out is great with the potential of lasting commercial or competitive damage. They should also realise by now that the other members in the chain are anticipating their moves and building detours and opportunities around them.
These thoughts are not here to try and dissuade the chain from evolving and diversifying, after all that is progress. What I am saying instead is that this industry needs to understand itself and its component parts a lot clearer. For example, has any airline ever taken the time (and at the right level) to examine what it’s ‘partners’ do in detail? To sit down and better evaluate the chain reaction of planned strategy and thereby have answers to the issues that will surely arise? They might even find ways that benefit, or at least soften the blow to the rest of the industry.
The way some current players go about change is simply not savvy. They know what they want and charge at it, usually with disappointing results. A bit more thought, understanding, broader knowledge and early dialogue just might form a better basis for progress. And for heavens sake remember that the world has multi markets, technologies languages and cultures. Head offices in their ‘ivory towers’ in the USA, UK, Germany and The Far East can pontificate and plan as much as they like but to little avail if their decisions simply are unworkable elsewhere. Instead they can do major damage.
So my plea is to stop, think, research a great deal, understand the players/competitors better and look way beyond the first hurdle and towards the end-game. I still maintain that the major industry bodies should be driving this understanding. Perhaps if they had less back slapping, money making, selling type conferences and more distribution, supply chain summits they would make a bigger contribution.
A good example would be say an airline that wants to replace a TMC or GDS which is quite topical at the moment. Now the black and white capability is there in the shape of enabling technology but the real world is in colour and of different shades and complexity. Technology systems are the beginning of the road not the end of it, an enabler not the solution. But some folks just plough on anyway and seem genuinely shocked at the push back
I am convinced this happens because the players have not set the right priorities into understanding all of the things the other components do. Instead they blindly follow their ‘ideal scenario’ strategy and attempt to bludgeon it into the marketplace. Sometimes this just might work in parts but the risk of fall-out is great with the potential of lasting commercial or competitive damage. They should also realise by now that the other members in the chain are anticipating their moves and building detours and opportunities around them.
These thoughts are not here to try and dissuade the chain from evolving and diversifying, after all that is progress. What I am saying instead is that this industry needs to understand itself and its component parts a lot clearer. For example, has any airline ever taken the time (and at the right level) to examine what it’s ‘partners’ do in detail? To sit down and better evaluate the chain reaction of planned strategy and thereby have answers to the issues that will surely arise? They might even find ways that benefit, or at least soften the blow to the rest of the industry.
The way some current players go about change is simply not savvy. They know what they want and charge at it, usually with disappointing results. A bit more thought, understanding, broader knowledge and early dialogue just might form a better basis for progress. And for heavens sake remember that the world has multi markets, technologies languages and cultures. Head offices in their ‘ivory towers’ in the USA, UK, Germany and The Far East can pontificate and plan as much as they like but to little avail if their decisions simply are unworkable elsewhere. Instead they can do major damage.
So my plea is to stop, think, research a great deal, understand the players/competitors better and look way beyond the first hurdle and towards the end-game. I still maintain that the major industry bodies should be driving this understanding. Perhaps if they had less back slapping, money making, selling type conferences and more distribution, supply chain summits they would make a bigger contribution.
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