What with all the recent publicity about the lovely Naomi I thought I should award her an exclusive in my humble blog. Like those wonderful cosmetic advertisement ‘She’s worth it’.
I have flown with Naomi three times and got hugged by her once. Not bad averages really, especially as she was in her pyjamas at the time. Let me explain.
The first two times I saw her were on Concorde (naturally). There I was sitting at the back of the cabin with one of the only two remaining empty seats next to me. The flight was clearly being delayed for someone and suddenly she was there. She glided through the door flowing along with tight pants and a sheer silk blouse that left zero to the imagination. You could have heard a pin drop as she sasheyed further towards me and I thought ‘oh my, she is going to sit next to me. At the very last moment she gave me what I then thought was a shy and coquettish smile and……walked straight past. Behind her was an enormous Texan with a gut like a zeppelin who levered himself into the seat next to me, smiling knowingly saying “I guess this ain’t your day son”.
I have to say though Ms Campbell was sensational in that she is one of not too many that looks far better live than she does on the cover of a glossy magazine. She also seemed to have a skill that turns tough international business travellers into fawning lap dogs. “Do let me get your bag off the carousel Ms Campbell”, Let me help you with that Ms Campbell” “Where are you staying in New York Ms. Campbell”. And that was only me. The other passengers were far worse! My last view of her on that occasion was seeing this vast luggage belt with all the male Concorde passengers plus Naomi jammed in one small area as they all vied to carry her Louis Vuitton overnight bag.
My last brush with Naomi was really weird. I was sitting in seat 1A on a flight to Sao Paulo and just before the doors closed I was asked if I would move back a seat to 2A. Reason given was they had a VIP boarding and she always insists on 1A so as not to be bothered by anyone. Being an amiable soul I agreed to move and on wafted the lovely Naomi once more and plonked herself in my ex seat. She then proceeded to talk simultaneously on two phones and a blackberry while we taxied to the runway. She was finally asked to stop by a rather wary air hostess as the engines revved for take-off.
Once in the air she was straight in the toilet and emerged about 20 minutes later dressed in a pair of those grey BA first class pyjamas and a face covered in cream. On any one else it would have appeared awful but on her she looked 1 million dollars. I guess that is why she is still one of the world’s top models. She would make a potato sack look classy.
She obviously planned to go straight to sleep and, as I had a flight load of work to do, I popped round to her side and asked if the light would bother her. She reacted as if I had poked her with a cattle prod by recoiling back, muttering something incoherent and looking the other way. Having faced that apparently hostile response I slunk back to my lonely seat and grappled out my PC and spent the next four hours preparing numerous emails about very little.
Suddenly something changed. I could see a dark grey shadow moving towards my small pool of light preceded by the smell of a heavenly and expensive perfume. It was Naomi. Next thing I had been grabbed and clutched to her bosom. Am I hallucinating I wondered? Should I have stopped at two brandies after dinner? But no, it really was Naomi Campbell suffocating me in a most original but not entirely unpleasant way. She finally released me and said huskily that I had been very nice to her earlier on and “thank you”. Wow I thought, maybe some sections of the media were wrong about her and she was a sweet thing really.
I drifted off to a perfumed sleep and woke on the final approach to Sao Paulo. What woke me were Naomi’s phones, all of them, and she was going ballistic at some poor soul on the other end of one of them. She was demanding to know where he was, who he was with and threatening to get the next plane home. This was before her flight in had even landed and none of the crew seemed inclined or brave enough to tell her to stop.
We got to the gate and set off for the baggage hall. By this time Naomi was screaming at people demanding her bags NOW so she could check in for the return flight. The fuss she created was so great that security was called and I beat a hasty retreat through customs.
The next morning I was having breakfast and listening to the news when her name came up again. The newsreader was saying how Naomi Campbell had collapsed apparently ill at Sao Paulo airport and was rushed to a Brazilian hospital to have an emergency cyst operation. So that is what it was all about I thought. Or was it? Life is never boring when flying with Naomi Campbell.
Jumat, 06 Agustus 2010
Rabu, 04 Agustus 2010
Brushes with the Rich and Famous 2 – Conference Moderators
Like many large companies we used to hold annual conferences for our staff and we always used to hire interesting/celebrity guests to either occupy a guest speaker spot or moderate the main sessions. The results were sometimes fascinating, sometimes disappointing but never boring. It was not at all easy for them because our workforce was young, fun loving and also pretty merciless to those that they felt were either patronising or disinterested in them.
We always tended to book people like newscasters, TV presenters, explorers, travel industry leaders or suchlike and their performances were as diverse as their occupations. Here are just a few of the people we used and what we thought of them.
The most interesting speaker we ever had was Sir Ranulf Fines. His ability to casually explain how he cut his own frostbitten fingers/toes off was pure theatre and the knowledge he imparted on some of the coldest most hostile parts of the world kept the audience rapt. Unfortunately he was also the most boorish bad mannered guest I ever met. He arrived and refused to speak to anyone. He said he was being paid for one purpose and that was not small -talk to our directors or VIPs. He literally went from snarling egotist to fascinating hero and back to egotist at the blink of an eye. A thoroughly unpleasant person in my view but I would re-book him tomorrow for his spellbinding speech.
Other explorers we used were Benedict Allen who demonstrated how to eat Witchety grubs and Quinten Kountze who took off his false leg to show us where a lion had bitten it off! Both good value but best not just before lunch!
Newscasters and TV hosts were another good source, particularly as moderators. The best I remember was Fiona Bruce who I admittedly drooled over especially when she charmingly ‘slapped down’ my over attentive boss. The very worst was Adrian Chiles who rivalled Sir Ranulph’s ego and lack of interest but sadly not his genius. He stomped in still wearing his cycle clips clearly un-researched and overtly showed he could not wait to leave..
The very best at his job was Peter Sissons. We booked him to moderate in the style of his show ‘Question Time’. Boy did he make me and the rest of the executive team squirm as he close questioned us on our salaries, strategy and staff benefits! Some still bear the scars but sadly not those who had the hides of rhinos but the guiltiest consciences.
The great thing about Peter was the way he really tried to join in which was almost his undoing. So much so that I could possibly still blackmail him if I had the desire to do so! We wanted to get all 1200 staff to the conference so we decided to run three back to back day sessions along with three evening dinner parties. It was like a huge endurance challenge and my part of the project included running the evenings and paying the bar bills. The latter were costing at least £11,000 a night which adds up to quite a few pints of beer and made my expenses claim interesting to say the least.
Peter stuck with us from start to finish. He was extremely self aware because of his public profile and very careful not to compromise himself in the slightest way. He wore exactly the suit and tie he uses on TV (he has a wardrobe full of the same suits) and behaved soberly and impeccably almost to the end. By the third night we were all pretty exhausted. Peter had worked hard all day and his guard began to slip slightly especially as he had been targeted by three of our naughtier girls from our London office who’s table he was sitting at. By the end of the evening I spotted him half asleep, jacket off, tie undone and the girls undoing his shirt buttons. I stopped them immediately after I took my all too damning photograph.
For a while after I still heard from Peter who always casually mentioned that photograph and wondering if he could have the original negatives. He never got them but I never used them as he was a good presenter and a great guy who behaved impeccably throughout.
Our conferences are legend and I will reveal all of what went on when I feel brave enough. In the meantime here are some verdicts on other ‘guests’:
Dara O’Brien the comic. Like most comics a miserable man when not performing. Spoke to nobody before/after although his act was great.
Steve Davis and Jason Leonard. Great sportsmen and good speakers. Both went out of the way to talk to our VIPs.
Bill Giles the weatherman. Awful.
Tiff Needell the car presenter. Bombed badly.
We always tended to book people like newscasters, TV presenters, explorers, travel industry leaders or suchlike and their performances were as diverse as their occupations. Here are just a few of the people we used and what we thought of them.
The most interesting speaker we ever had was Sir Ranulf Fines. His ability to casually explain how he cut his own frostbitten fingers/toes off was pure theatre and the knowledge he imparted on some of the coldest most hostile parts of the world kept the audience rapt. Unfortunately he was also the most boorish bad mannered guest I ever met. He arrived and refused to speak to anyone. He said he was being paid for one purpose and that was not small -talk to our directors or VIPs. He literally went from snarling egotist to fascinating hero and back to egotist at the blink of an eye. A thoroughly unpleasant person in my view but I would re-book him tomorrow for his spellbinding speech.
Other explorers we used were Benedict Allen who demonstrated how to eat Witchety grubs and Quinten Kountze who took off his false leg to show us where a lion had bitten it off! Both good value but best not just before lunch!
Newscasters and TV hosts were another good source, particularly as moderators. The best I remember was Fiona Bruce who I admittedly drooled over especially when she charmingly ‘slapped down’ my over attentive boss. The very worst was Adrian Chiles who rivalled Sir Ranulph’s ego and lack of interest but sadly not his genius. He stomped in still wearing his cycle clips clearly un-researched and overtly showed he could not wait to leave..
The very best at his job was Peter Sissons. We booked him to moderate in the style of his show ‘Question Time’. Boy did he make me and the rest of the executive team squirm as he close questioned us on our salaries, strategy and staff benefits! Some still bear the scars but sadly not those who had the hides of rhinos but the guiltiest consciences.
The great thing about Peter was the way he really tried to join in which was almost his undoing. So much so that I could possibly still blackmail him if I had the desire to do so! We wanted to get all 1200 staff to the conference so we decided to run three back to back day sessions along with three evening dinner parties. It was like a huge endurance challenge and my part of the project included running the evenings and paying the bar bills. The latter were costing at least £11,000 a night which adds up to quite a few pints of beer and made my expenses claim interesting to say the least.
Peter stuck with us from start to finish. He was extremely self aware because of his public profile and very careful not to compromise himself in the slightest way. He wore exactly the suit and tie he uses on TV (he has a wardrobe full of the same suits) and behaved soberly and impeccably almost to the end. By the third night we were all pretty exhausted. Peter had worked hard all day and his guard began to slip slightly especially as he had been targeted by three of our naughtier girls from our London office who’s table he was sitting at. By the end of the evening I spotted him half asleep, jacket off, tie undone and the girls undoing his shirt buttons. I stopped them immediately after I took my all too damning photograph.
For a while after I still heard from Peter who always casually mentioned that photograph and wondering if he could have the original negatives. He never got them but I never used them as he was a good presenter and a great guy who behaved impeccably throughout.
Our conferences are legend and I will reveal all of what went on when I feel brave enough. In the meantime here are some verdicts on other ‘guests’:
Dara O’Brien the comic. Like most comics a miserable man when not performing. Spoke to nobody before/after although his act was great.
Steve Davis and Jason Leonard. Great sportsmen and good speakers. Both went out of the way to talk to our VIPs.
Bill Giles the weatherman. Awful.
Tiff Needell the car presenter. Bombed badly.
Minggu, 01 Agustus 2010
Can TMCs really influence business?
Ever since travel agencies were created by airlines as the most efficient way of consolidating and distributing their product they have had to incentivize them. Somewhat ironic really that in many ways they created their own Frankenstein’s monster which, despite their best efforts, they cannot kill.
They desperately needed to find a way to deal with the then need to seamlessly interline their services with other airlines using one fare on one ticket and the travel agent, ultimately to become travel management company (TMC), fitted the bill perfectly. They could do all the messy bits for the customer at a fraction of the cost that an airline would have to incur in order to do it themselves. In those days there was minimal technology and very little direct competition unlike modern times.
As time passed the airlines expanded and serious competition arrived on all the main air routes. Instead of being able to assume they would get all, or at least a fair share, of passengers on their services they now had to fight it out with a whole bunch of others. The big snag however was that they had created this TMC middle man who had all the access, relationship and knowledge with the end customer. They were also very firmly entrenched as they offered a ‘free’ service to the traveller and, in many cases, actually paid their company to use them.
So it was that ‘incentive overrides’ were born. This is where airlines not only paid TMCs a standard commission but also gave extra percentages on top in payment for extra passengers and/or higher share. The TMCs used this money to increase their profits, win business and subsidise other services they had to offer their clients that were not otherwise cost effective. They also used these deals co create new ones by playing one supplier off against another. Airlines hated it but always had a nagging doubt about how much business they might lose if the climbed off the incentive roundabout.
Finally things started to change as suppliers decided they could not afford these distribution costs, especially in this new technological world. They really did not like the lack of contact with their end customers and their doubts got greater about whether these incentives delivered a return on investment. After all the TMCs ended up doing deals with practically all the suppliers so who were they going to move business from? And, with the arrival of corporate procurement managers, could they influence business anyway? The main national airlines decided enough was enough, pulled the plug on commissions and, searched for other ways to incentivise that would yield better returns. Airlines can be a little like sheep in that whatever the national carrier does in their own market the others follow.
This brings us to today. A today that is supposed to mean that TMCs work for, and get paid by, their clients and the suppliers give all their incentives to the end user through lower pricing. Oh, if only life and business could be that easy. In actuality various types of incentives are alive and well albeit a little more covert and targeted than they used to be. In fact I believe most TMCs would have to shut down overnight if they ceased earning income from suppliers. Many of the incentives are relatively customer friendly and shaped in the guise of service level agreements (SLAs) but, be under no illusion, their purpose is to build an individual airline’s share whichever way you look at it. I leave it to you to decide if this is a good or bad thing.
So, back to the main question. Can TMCs direct business? My view is a qualified yes if they go about it the right way. By right way I mean with their customer’s knowledge and agreement and using the right methodology. There is a win/win possibility here with improved services, value adds and efficiencies being the end goal. Does it happen now? I have been out of ‘hands on’ touch for a while but I think the answer is probably not. I believe the relationship (financial and otherwise) between supplier, TMC and customer still has a way to evolve and will become one of the next big issues. I predict tomorrow’s ‘incentive’ battleground will revolve around dynamic pricing where TMCs will control what fares and preferences will be in their databases and distribute them in a way that brings them greater return. A key factor of which TMC a corporation uses will be the ability of these databases to deliver best value.Let’s see if I am right!
They desperately needed to find a way to deal with the then need to seamlessly interline their services with other airlines using one fare on one ticket and the travel agent, ultimately to become travel management company (TMC), fitted the bill perfectly. They could do all the messy bits for the customer at a fraction of the cost that an airline would have to incur in order to do it themselves. In those days there was minimal technology and very little direct competition unlike modern times.
As time passed the airlines expanded and serious competition arrived on all the main air routes. Instead of being able to assume they would get all, or at least a fair share, of passengers on their services they now had to fight it out with a whole bunch of others. The big snag however was that they had created this TMC middle man who had all the access, relationship and knowledge with the end customer. They were also very firmly entrenched as they offered a ‘free’ service to the traveller and, in many cases, actually paid their company to use them.
So it was that ‘incentive overrides’ were born. This is where airlines not only paid TMCs a standard commission but also gave extra percentages on top in payment for extra passengers and/or higher share. The TMCs used this money to increase their profits, win business and subsidise other services they had to offer their clients that were not otherwise cost effective. They also used these deals co create new ones by playing one supplier off against another. Airlines hated it but always had a nagging doubt about how much business they might lose if the climbed off the incentive roundabout.
Finally things started to change as suppliers decided they could not afford these distribution costs, especially in this new technological world. They really did not like the lack of contact with their end customers and their doubts got greater about whether these incentives delivered a return on investment. After all the TMCs ended up doing deals with practically all the suppliers so who were they going to move business from? And, with the arrival of corporate procurement managers, could they influence business anyway? The main national airlines decided enough was enough, pulled the plug on commissions and, searched for other ways to incentivise that would yield better returns. Airlines can be a little like sheep in that whatever the national carrier does in their own market the others follow.
This brings us to today. A today that is supposed to mean that TMCs work for, and get paid by, their clients and the suppliers give all their incentives to the end user through lower pricing. Oh, if only life and business could be that easy. In actuality various types of incentives are alive and well albeit a little more covert and targeted than they used to be. In fact I believe most TMCs would have to shut down overnight if they ceased earning income from suppliers. Many of the incentives are relatively customer friendly and shaped in the guise of service level agreements (SLAs) but, be under no illusion, their purpose is to build an individual airline’s share whichever way you look at it. I leave it to you to decide if this is a good or bad thing.
So, back to the main question. Can TMCs direct business? My view is a qualified yes if they go about it the right way. By right way I mean with their customer’s knowledge and agreement and using the right methodology. There is a win/win possibility here with improved services, value adds and efficiencies being the end goal. Does it happen now? I have been out of ‘hands on’ touch for a while but I think the answer is probably not. I believe the relationship (financial and otherwise) between supplier, TMC and customer still has a way to evolve and will become one of the next big issues. I predict tomorrow’s ‘incentive’ battleground will revolve around dynamic pricing where TMCs will control what fares and preferences will be in their databases and distribute them in a way that brings them greater return. A key factor of which TMC a corporation uses will be the ability of these databases to deliver best value.Let’s see if I am right!
Kamis, 22 Juli 2010
‘Unite’d they fall at BA
It is now getting really disappointing as, after the most recent ballot, the Unite union claims another mandate to strike. They claim the cabin crew are behind them but I would question that after looking at the following vote results.
BA has around 13,000 crew of which about 11,000 are with the disputing union (Unite). The number of crew to actually vote was 5,105 (approx 39% of the workforce) and 3,419 wanted to strike. This means the percentage of BA crew voting to strike was a mere 26%. A mandate to strike? I don’t think so. Especially as I hear that because there is a little remaining internal solidarity amongst the crews it was enough for those who no longer wish to strike to not vote at all this time around. Otherwise it would have been a very different result.
One of the saddest things about this is the impact this dispute has had within the various factions amongst the cabin crew. Many of the main strike supporters are well known in BA circles as long time militants and non representative of the main workforce. Separately some non striking crews have had their cars vandalised in the BA secure staff car parks and face great hostility when they try to work. I cannot see the scars of this strike action healing for years to come let alone by the ultimate end of the dispute. They have turned against each other in a very emotional manner.
Meanwhile the union is fighting for its future credibility after making promises of regaining concessions and lost travel perks as the strike intensified. They got it horribly wrong as, from what I can see, BA has drawn a clear line in the sand and said not only ‘no further’ but ‘you will get less’ as the action continues. Whilst this has been going on BA has not only won the support of its investors, many clients and most TMCs but also issued new contracts to non striking staff and started employing a whole new workforce.
So now we have a different kind of ‘impasse’. OK, the current dispute is no nearer resolution and the strikers are still being used as cannon fodder by Unite in it’s increasingly political campaign but meanwhile BA have quietly advanced plans to make the striking crew surplus to requirements. They must be sharpening the axes at H.Q as I write.
Is there going to be a winner in this dispute? Yes there certainly will. BA will finally clean up a significant amount of the industrial mess left by previous executive management and ultimately build foundations that will enable them to compete more effectively with their rivals. But there will be losers too. A union with a bruised ego and a whole lot of crew out there trying to find new jobs only to discover that the pay is not what they have come to expect. Ironic really.
BA has around 13,000 crew of which about 11,000 are with the disputing union (Unite). The number of crew to actually vote was 5,105 (approx 39% of the workforce) and 3,419 wanted to strike. This means the percentage of BA crew voting to strike was a mere 26%. A mandate to strike? I don’t think so. Especially as I hear that because there is a little remaining internal solidarity amongst the crews it was enough for those who no longer wish to strike to not vote at all this time around. Otherwise it would have been a very different result.
One of the saddest things about this is the impact this dispute has had within the various factions amongst the cabin crew. Many of the main strike supporters are well known in BA circles as long time militants and non representative of the main workforce. Separately some non striking crews have had their cars vandalised in the BA secure staff car parks and face great hostility when they try to work. I cannot see the scars of this strike action healing for years to come let alone by the ultimate end of the dispute. They have turned against each other in a very emotional manner.
Meanwhile the union is fighting for its future credibility after making promises of regaining concessions and lost travel perks as the strike intensified. They got it horribly wrong as, from what I can see, BA has drawn a clear line in the sand and said not only ‘no further’ but ‘you will get less’ as the action continues. Whilst this has been going on BA has not only won the support of its investors, many clients and most TMCs but also issued new contracts to non striking staff and started employing a whole new workforce.
So now we have a different kind of ‘impasse’. OK, the current dispute is no nearer resolution and the strikers are still being used as cannon fodder by Unite in it’s increasingly political campaign but meanwhile BA have quietly advanced plans to make the striking crew surplus to requirements. They must be sharpening the axes at H.Q as I write.
Is there going to be a winner in this dispute? Yes there certainly will. BA will finally clean up a significant amount of the industrial mess left by previous executive management and ultimately build foundations that will enable them to compete more effectively with their rivals. But there will be losers too. A union with a bruised ego and a whole lot of crew out there trying to find new jobs only to discover that the pay is not what they have come to expect. Ironic really.
Minggu, 18 Juli 2010
Brushes with the rich and famous 1 – Royalty
During my career I have had the honour (sometimes dubious) of meeting the royals on a number of occasions. To be honest, all of these meeting have left an indelible mark in my mind, and on one occasion my buttocks, as I will explain. In fact I might as well explain that one first.
I was based in Zambia at the time they were hosting the Commonwealth conference which was to be opened by the queen. One of my jobs was to ‘look after’ the crew of the two giant Hercules cargo aircraft that fly out in advance with the Queen’s essential supplies. In those days (and possibly even now) everything the Queen uses, eats and drinks was all flown down in advance under considerable security by the UK armed forces.
The aircrews had a great time. Although Zambia is one of the most fertile countries in the world it was ravaged by shortages of even the most basic foods and almost everything had to be imported. Only problem was that it was almost impossible to arrange and here is where the crews used to come in. I would be prepared to wager that at least 25% of the aircraft payload consisted of cigarettes, apples, butter, oil and other such important staples. These were used to both sell and act as guaranteed invitation material to any party or event in the country during their stay. There was one expatriate lady who was famous for doing practically anything for a few sticks of celery
Anyway, the point behind this story is that I was allowed a sneak peek at the Queen’s ‘treasure trove’ of supplies and amongst it was two toilet seats. Apparently she always takes her own plus an aide that knows how to fit them on any type of toilet appliance. I am afraid I could not resist trying them . Out of respect to the monarchy I kept my trousers on but unfortunately my belt got stuck. I struggled and struggled until I popped out but for the next few weeks I had an indelible bruise to remind me of my heresy. Every time I see the Queen now I think of what we have in common!
Since that occasion I have had quite a few brushes with royalty including being studiously ignored by Prince Andrew, winked at by Diana, sworn at by Princess Anne and laughed at/with by Prince Harry but my most contentious was an altercation with Prince Philip. My wife still totally disagrees with me about this but I think his highness was totally out of order! After all he is known as a no nonsense, say what you like, approachable type of person. I wonder who you think was right.
We had been invited by Emirates Airline to attend a charity cricket match in the grounds of Windsor School between the airline and the Lords Taverners charity team. All the great and the good were due to attend the event and the guest of honour was to be Prince Philip (their next door neighbour). He swept into the ground and immediately worked the guests up into a frenzy of excitement by ‘chatting’ freely to all. He then headed off to his specially allotted seat and drank his usual bottles of brown beer. It was all very nice and a very English kind of event.
All went well until lunch. I was genuinely very honoured to find we had been put on the top table (of twelve place settings) just two seats away from the Prince with only Mike Gatting (the cricketer) and his charming wife between us. Prince Philip turned up last and then there was a rather long and embarrassing silence. Nobody was being introduced so I spoke up and told him who I and my wife were. It was as if I had thrown a hand grenade on the table. An audible gasp came from the Prince. He recoiled back and threw his hands in the air. His equerry finally appeared and manhandled me aside. “You NEVER speak to the Prince before being spoken to first” he muttered menacingly. “He will be in an awful mood now” he added. And so it was. Prince Philip sat down and would barely utter a word to anyone. Can this be the man who has made so many gaffes and unwise comment over the years I thought?
My wife reckons it was my fault. Do you? My view is that, in this modern world, politeness supersedes traditional etiquette. Needless to say that despite him being the husband of our Queen he will not be on my Christmas card list this year. Maybe someone told him about that toilet seat?
I was based in Zambia at the time they were hosting the Commonwealth conference which was to be opened by the queen. One of my jobs was to ‘look after’ the crew of the two giant Hercules cargo aircraft that fly out in advance with the Queen’s essential supplies. In those days (and possibly even now) everything the Queen uses, eats and drinks was all flown down in advance under considerable security by the UK armed forces.
The aircrews had a great time. Although Zambia is one of the most fertile countries in the world it was ravaged by shortages of even the most basic foods and almost everything had to be imported. Only problem was that it was almost impossible to arrange and here is where the crews used to come in. I would be prepared to wager that at least 25% of the aircraft payload consisted of cigarettes, apples, butter, oil and other such important staples. These were used to both sell and act as guaranteed invitation material to any party or event in the country during their stay. There was one expatriate lady who was famous for doing practically anything for a few sticks of celery
Anyway, the point behind this story is that I was allowed a sneak peek at the Queen’s ‘treasure trove’ of supplies and amongst it was two toilet seats. Apparently she always takes her own plus an aide that knows how to fit them on any type of toilet appliance. I am afraid I could not resist trying them . Out of respect to the monarchy I kept my trousers on but unfortunately my belt got stuck. I struggled and struggled until I popped out but for the next few weeks I had an indelible bruise to remind me of my heresy. Every time I see the Queen now I think of what we have in common!
Since that occasion I have had quite a few brushes with royalty including being studiously ignored by Prince Andrew, winked at by Diana, sworn at by Princess Anne and laughed at/with by Prince Harry but my most contentious was an altercation with Prince Philip. My wife still totally disagrees with me about this but I think his highness was totally out of order! After all he is known as a no nonsense, say what you like, approachable type of person. I wonder who you think was right.
We had been invited by Emirates Airline to attend a charity cricket match in the grounds of Windsor School between the airline and the Lords Taverners charity team. All the great and the good were due to attend the event and the guest of honour was to be Prince Philip (their next door neighbour). He swept into the ground and immediately worked the guests up into a frenzy of excitement by ‘chatting’ freely to all. He then headed off to his specially allotted seat and drank his usual bottles of brown beer. It was all very nice and a very English kind of event.
All went well until lunch. I was genuinely very honoured to find we had been put on the top table (of twelve place settings) just two seats away from the Prince with only Mike Gatting (the cricketer) and his charming wife between us. Prince Philip turned up last and then there was a rather long and embarrassing silence. Nobody was being introduced so I spoke up and told him who I and my wife were. It was as if I had thrown a hand grenade on the table. An audible gasp came from the Prince. He recoiled back and threw his hands in the air. His equerry finally appeared and manhandled me aside. “You NEVER speak to the Prince before being spoken to first” he muttered menacingly. “He will be in an awful mood now” he added. And so it was. Prince Philip sat down and would barely utter a word to anyone. Can this be the man who has made so many gaffes and unwise comment over the years I thought?
My wife reckons it was my fault. Do you? My view is that, in this modern world, politeness supersedes traditional etiquette. Needless to say that despite him being the husband of our Queen he will not be on my Christmas card list this year. Maybe someone told him about that toilet seat?
Rabu, 07 Juli 2010
Why small is becoming big in Business Travel.
In many of the key driver markets like the UK the desire by TMCs to move back into the SME market has grown and grown without any sign of let-up. A strange phenomenon one might think considering they have spent the last few years actively trying to get them off their books. There must be a good reason for this re-think and of course there is. It’s because of that good old trio economy, technology and supplier strategy. As a result there is never a better time to be a small customer in business travel.
You see the big organisations have lost the allure they used to have. They now become harder to win and are on longer contracts. They demand more and pay less and the suppliers have done their deals direct with them which make the TMC more marginalised than ever. At the same time the TMCs have caught up with each other to the point that a competitive edge to swing an account gets smaller. So, in the main, TMCs get to keep what they have got (especially with the advent of globalisation) and, if they actually lose something big it hurts real badly. It is often more expensive to lose an account than the benefit you get if you keep it, if that makes sense, which is another reason why little moves!
So what is left out there that is flexible, relatively easy to handle yet very valuable cumulatively especially to suppliers. The answer of course is the SME who demand a good deal but does not carry all those bespoke costs of a large client. If you win one then great, but if you lose then it doesn’t hurt much. TMCs can use all those fancy gizmos created for (and funded by) the major clients to provide added value for peanuts to SMEs. The SME also can be a great deal easier to handle in both operational and financial terms and TMCs resources can be flexed to move this business to the optimum point in their structure. Another consideration is that, in a growing market, the big TMC is beginning to realise that today’s SME is tomorrow’s mega client. Finally, TMCs still need suppliers and suppliers want the SME market but cannot afford to go after them so a consolidation point via an agent is very attractive.
So what is a SME supposed to do? Well, if I was them I would shop around. I would be less interested in the transaction fee I was being charged and more impressed in what supplier savings and efficiencies I would get. I would go to the big TMCs and ask what extra value they can give by sharing out some of those big client products benefits. I would then ensure that I would get agreed levels of service continuity and not have my team poached every time there is a staff shortage with a bigger client.
So simplicity, flexibility and small are all beautiful……for now.
The large corporations? If I was them I would sit on my ego and work out how to make myself more attractive and important again.
You see the big organisations have lost the allure they used to have. They now become harder to win and are on longer contracts. They demand more and pay less and the suppliers have done their deals direct with them which make the TMC more marginalised than ever. At the same time the TMCs have caught up with each other to the point that a competitive edge to swing an account gets smaller. So, in the main, TMCs get to keep what they have got (especially with the advent of globalisation) and, if they actually lose something big it hurts real badly. It is often more expensive to lose an account than the benefit you get if you keep it, if that makes sense, which is another reason why little moves!
So what is left out there that is flexible, relatively easy to handle yet very valuable cumulatively especially to suppliers. The answer of course is the SME who demand a good deal but does not carry all those bespoke costs of a large client. If you win one then great, but if you lose then it doesn’t hurt much. TMCs can use all those fancy gizmos created for (and funded by) the major clients to provide added value for peanuts to SMEs. The SME also can be a great deal easier to handle in both operational and financial terms and TMCs resources can be flexed to move this business to the optimum point in their structure. Another consideration is that, in a growing market, the big TMC is beginning to realise that today’s SME is tomorrow’s mega client. Finally, TMCs still need suppliers and suppliers want the SME market but cannot afford to go after them so a consolidation point via an agent is very attractive.
So what is a SME supposed to do? Well, if I was them I would shop around. I would be less interested in the transaction fee I was being charged and more impressed in what supplier savings and efficiencies I would get. I would go to the big TMCs and ask what extra value they can give by sharing out some of those big client products benefits. I would then ensure that I would get agreed levels of service continuity and not have my team poached every time there is a staff shortage with a bigger client.
So simplicity, flexibility and small are all beautiful……for now.
The large corporations? If I was them I would sit on my ego and work out how to make myself more attractive and important again.
Kamis, 01 Juli 2010
Paupers in Paradise
One of the most unusual things about working in the travel industry is that you can sometimes experience activities and lifestyles totally out of proportion with your personal wealth, or in this case, lack of wealth.
Many years ago when Judith and I, recently married and poor as church mice, had just such an experience. It nearly resulted in a quickie divorce on the grounds of emotional cruelty as I will explain.
We were in our mid twenties and had an enormous mortgage. I had a relatively junior sales job with British Caledonian Airways working in the head office department that supported their West Africa routes. They had just started operating to Abidjan, the capital of the Ivory Coast and all the operators and hotels in that country wanted a slice of the new business that the service would generate from the UK.
As I mentioned earlier we were broke but, like most airline people (except striking BA cabin crew) we got great flight discounts and perks including free tickets on new routes for ‘familiarisation’ reasons. A very kind and enthusiastic contact in Intercontinental Hotels came up with a complimentary room in their 5 star hotel in Abidjan city centre. This hotel was known at the time as the most prestigious and luxurious hotel in Africa. So off we went to what we expected to be a cheap but heavenly holiday.
It had started so well with a black hotel limousine picking us up at the airport and whisking us to the hotel. Mind you the driver looked pretty appalled when he saw our beat up old cardboard cases and various plastic Woolworth bags. The hotel GM came out to greet us and escort us to a special top floor suite and took about half an hour to explain all the amenities including introductions to our personal butler. The first and last time we ever saw him as I will explain.
When he left Judith strolled over to the fridge and was about to open a can of coke when I picked up the room service and mini bar price list. Stop! I yelled as that drink alone would have exhausted half of our daily food budget. It got worse from then on and we clearly could not manage such food and drink costs In fact it got so bad that we spent some evenings sitting in the bar sipping one beer between us and eating every last free pretzel and pistachio nut in the place. At one stage I ended up sauntering around the coffee shop waiting for someone to leave their table. As soon as they got up we slipped into the still warm seats, ate anything left and ordered a small snack using the tip money that had been left. I still feel guilty about that!
On the final evening of what was a miserable and hungry week the hotel General Manager invited us to dinner at their ‘signature’ restaurant that revolved around the top of the hotel tower. He insisted we try some of their special cocktails before dinner and Judith took enthusiastically to one called a ‘Tipsy Elephant’ which was a lethal mixture of three spirits. These on a half starved stomach could have only one effect. This peaked when the waiter brought out a plate with a fresh, live and uncooked lobster to get her approval before preparing it. To his horror she grabbed the offered lobster, put it on her plate and pulled a claw off. ”Look” she slurred. “It’s undercooked”! I quickly tried to explain that she must have caught sunstroke and wheeled her away as she yelled “I am not going to stay here to be insulted” or something similar.
We thought that would be the end of the nightmare but the worst was saved for the end when we went to check out the next morning. We were presented with our very meagre bill and I handed over my one and only credit card whilst praying we had not exceeded its credit limit. As feared the clerk started looking concerned and kept tapping entries into her computer. She then looked up and said she was sorry but we would need to wait for the duty manager to talk to us about our bill.
We sat squirming for a few minutes and noticed curious glances from various other members of staff who knew about our bill. Finally the manager arrived with a very serious expression on his face. “Do you not like our hotel” he asked. “Yes, it is lovely” I replied whilst trying not to be intimidated. “Do you not like our restaurants”? “Where have you been eating” “Is our food not to your standard”?
By this time I was getting very embarrassed and annoyed as people were beginning to stop and listen. I asked him directly why he was asking us so many questions. “Well”, he said “we have never had any guests who are on our VIP “all inclusive” basis spending next to nothing!
Judith’s head turned slowly and menacingly towards me. “Can you explain what you actually mean by all inclusive she asked. Certainly madam, he replied, it means you could have eaten or drunk anything you wanted free of charge for the duration of your stay in our hotel.
She nearly physically attacked me there and then. I did not know I muttered. Wait until I get you alone she replied icily as her tummy rumbled. I paid for my error over the following months but I learned one important lesson. Never go anywhere you cannot afford and also listen carefully when someone makes you an offer you will not want to refuse.
Many years ago when Judith and I, recently married and poor as church mice, had just such an experience. It nearly resulted in a quickie divorce on the grounds of emotional cruelty as I will explain.
We were in our mid twenties and had an enormous mortgage. I had a relatively junior sales job with British Caledonian Airways working in the head office department that supported their West Africa routes. They had just started operating to Abidjan, the capital of the Ivory Coast and all the operators and hotels in that country wanted a slice of the new business that the service would generate from the UK.
As I mentioned earlier we were broke but, like most airline people (except striking BA cabin crew) we got great flight discounts and perks including free tickets on new routes for ‘familiarisation’ reasons. A very kind and enthusiastic contact in Intercontinental Hotels came up with a complimentary room in their 5 star hotel in Abidjan city centre. This hotel was known at the time as the most prestigious and luxurious hotel in Africa. So off we went to what we expected to be a cheap but heavenly holiday.
It had started so well with a black hotel limousine picking us up at the airport and whisking us to the hotel. Mind you the driver looked pretty appalled when he saw our beat up old cardboard cases and various plastic Woolworth bags. The hotel GM came out to greet us and escort us to a special top floor suite and took about half an hour to explain all the amenities including introductions to our personal butler. The first and last time we ever saw him as I will explain.
When he left Judith strolled over to the fridge and was about to open a can of coke when I picked up the room service and mini bar price list. Stop! I yelled as that drink alone would have exhausted half of our daily food budget. It got worse from then on and we clearly could not manage such food and drink costs In fact it got so bad that we spent some evenings sitting in the bar sipping one beer between us and eating every last free pretzel and pistachio nut in the place. At one stage I ended up sauntering around the coffee shop waiting for someone to leave their table. As soon as they got up we slipped into the still warm seats, ate anything left and ordered a small snack using the tip money that had been left. I still feel guilty about that!
On the final evening of what was a miserable and hungry week the hotel General Manager invited us to dinner at their ‘signature’ restaurant that revolved around the top of the hotel tower. He insisted we try some of their special cocktails before dinner and Judith took enthusiastically to one called a ‘Tipsy Elephant’ which was a lethal mixture of three spirits. These on a half starved stomach could have only one effect. This peaked when the waiter brought out a plate with a fresh, live and uncooked lobster to get her approval before preparing it. To his horror she grabbed the offered lobster, put it on her plate and pulled a claw off. ”Look” she slurred. “It’s undercooked”! I quickly tried to explain that she must have caught sunstroke and wheeled her away as she yelled “I am not going to stay here to be insulted” or something similar.
We thought that would be the end of the nightmare but the worst was saved for the end when we went to check out the next morning. We were presented with our very meagre bill and I handed over my one and only credit card whilst praying we had not exceeded its credit limit. As feared the clerk started looking concerned and kept tapping entries into her computer. She then looked up and said she was sorry but we would need to wait for the duty manager to talk to us about our bill.
We sat squirming for a few minutes and noticed curious glances from various other members of staff who knew about our bill. Finally the manager arrived with a very serious expression on his face. “Do you not like our hotel” he asked. “Yes, it is lovely” I replied whilst trying not to be intimidated. “Do you not like our restaurants”? “Where have you been eating” “Is our food not to your standard”?
By this time I was getting very embarrassed and annoyed as people were beginning to stop and listen. I asked him directly why he was asking us so many questions. “Well”, he said “we have never had any guests who are on our VIP “all inclusive” basis spending next to nothing!
Judith’s head turned slowly and menacingly towards me. “Can you explain what you actually mean by all inclusive she asked. Certainly madam, he replied, it means you could have eaten or drunk anything you wanted free of charge for the duration of your stay in our hotel.
She nearly physically attacked me there and then. I did not know I muttered. Wait until I get you alone she replied icily as her tummy rumbled. I paid for my error over the following months but I learned one important lesson. Never go anywhere you cannot afford and also listen carefully when someone makes you an offer you will not want to refuse.
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